After making some bumbling statements regarding the Civil War and Andrew Jackson, President Donald Trump has released a statement to revisit the conversation and clarify his earlier comments on the conflict:

“After watching the video evidence, I’d like to talk a little bit more about this Civil War. I mean, it was a huge deal, you know? Like, when America makes wars we make them the biggest, so this one we had with ourselves is in the top 5, like maybe 3 of all time wars in the world. It’s big, really big stuff.

Now, so, with this war, you see, we just couldn’t agree with ourselves. I don’t get it, you know? Why couldn’t they just work this one out? Well, when it comes down to it, it is very simple. It’s a very simple problem, okay? You just listen to the rich guy. Seriously, like you listen to Tony Stark. Why do you care about Bucky? It makes no sense. This Winter Soldier guy, he’s a loser. I mean real heroes don’t get caught. He was caught by Hydra and they turned him against his own people. I am a fan of the guys who don’t get caught. Those are the guys I like.

So, really, the guy with the money, Mr. big bucks, Tony Stark, you listen to him. You know? He knows what he’s talking about. He’s been selling weapons to the military for years. He obviously knows what’s a big deal. You don’t listen to this guy who was just a solider. He’s not even from this time period. Those are really old ideas. You need to make America great again but not with some guy who feels like he traveled through time. I mean, that’s just stupid. He cares about losers. His friend is the biggest loser and he’s willing to just throw it all away because of him.

Anyhow, the whole fight could have been avoided if both sides could just come to some agreement and worked things out and avoided it. You know who could have fixed it? Nick Fury. If he would have just stuck around long enough, this would not have even happened. He would have fixed everything and the war would never have happened and a young kid like Peter Parker would never have to go to war before his time. I mean, he’s just like, 15 or something.

Anyhow, Hail Hydra.”

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