Anonymouse strikes again, as millions of websites, services and networks were taken offline on 10/21/2016. A systematic interruption of many huge, populated websites and social networks took internet trolls and victims by surprise.

“I was about to post the dankest meme I ever found and… I couldn’t. I felt so powerless, so vulnerable,” said Harold Nagy, an avid Facebook Group troll that uses the fake names Ham Bone, Spaz Bono and Harvey Banger.

Sandra Cummings, a Tusla Oklahoma native had other issues. “I needed to take out my rent money and I couldn’t. Because of how screwed up our economy is, and how horrible regular banks are, I use an internet only bank and none of the ATMs were working. Instead, I had to take a few guys out back and give handjobs to make the rent. Do you know how aggravating that is? I usually save that move for a new release of limited eye shadows at Sephora, not to pay my rent. I’m not a prostitute or something. The worst part was that I couldn’t even go on Reddit or Twitter to vent about it, or read any of Trump’s latest tweets.”

Multiple sources were taking credit for the large scale DDOS attack, but all signs point to Anonymouse being the real force behind the attack. Political posts, memes and rants were kept to a bare minimum as the average person resorted to the few sites that weren’t affected by the hacktivism, which were mostly porn sites.

The big takeaway from this was that while it may be business as usual for the average person, many people need internet garbage to pass their day, whether it be trolling others on social networks, porn or ridiculous satire websites that post fake news that seems more real than the actual news reported by major media conglomerates.

The post DDOS Attack Temporarily Spares Millions From Political Arguments first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Thanks for sticking through with us, faithful readers. I had to fight off unwanted, internet miscreants, trying to shut down this shining beacon in a world of mistrusted journalism and false facts.

Here we are, in 2016, and still people want to silence the truth. Well, they had us down for a few days, but Anonymouse just couldn’t keep it up for long. Like a boastful teen on prom night, they came at us hard, broke us down but then came up short and empty when the time called for them to do their thing.

Now we’re bigger, faster, harder and stronger than ever! You might notice some new bells and whistles, some small changes and even an subscription option. Well, the dismantling they gave us allowed us to re-think a few things and add some stuff we’ve been wanting to have from the beginning.

This is a free world, folks, and no bullies should be allowed to take us down, unless they are government elected officials, of course.

So, as you go on with your day, no that you have to worry no longer. The Hoof and Trunk Post is back and better than ever. This is better than Coke II, Clear Pepsi and Independence Day: Resurgence, all rolled into one! We shall not disappoint you. New content will start to roll out slowly but surely. Be afraid, you enemies of truth and justice. Our trumpets shall wail and we shall stamp you out!

The post The Hoof And Trunk Post Is Back! first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Adam Taint thought he could mock us, but he could not.

He thought he could belittle us, but he could not.

We are Anonymouse and we now own The Hoof and Trunk Post.

We have moved it to a new host, added a few new bells and whistles and updated things to work better than it ever did before.

We caused Adam Taint to lose everything… but then we brought it back and gave it better SEO optimization because we are better than Adam Taint.

He will never get this site back.

He will always feel lost and ponder a meaningless life when he has nothing to do, no snark to deliver and no friends to chat with on the internet.

We hacked into his cell phone and deleted all the naked pictures from the women sending him nudies. We uploaded them to 4chan toget him in trouble. Instead it actually made him more popular and we saw that more women started contacting his phone once they saw the immense size of his… bandwidth, but he still doesn’t have his precious political news site.

We still have that.

We are adorable. We are coming for the big cheese. Expect mice.

We are Anonymouse!

The post WE ARE ANONYMOUSE! first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

While the altruistic deeds of groups like Anonymouse, WikiLeaks and Lizard Squad still leave a lot to be desired, the mantra seems to be the same: screw authority, take down big money and help out the little guy. While most of that hasn’t actually happened with any of them, except for the occasional screwing of authority, the idea has remained… until now.

American Hackers and hacktivists all over are now complaining that they are losing their work to foreigners who are doing the same work, for less recognition.

“It’s really getting annoying,” said B33B33B01, which we didn’t even really know how to pronounce. His group, “Ch3353 B1TC4” is a small splinter off of Anonymouse and is getting fed up with the outsourcing. “You used to be able to know that someone you were Frankensteining code with or sharing your app to was an American, but not anymore. Thanks to IP spoofing and redirection we can’t even tell where anyone is from anymore. I mean, I guess someone we think isn’t American could actually be since we’re so good at hiding stuff now that we can’t verify it, but it’s how good they are that makes me think they aren’t from the USA.”

This hacker’s xenophobia is a growing trend that seems to be scaring away foreign hackers from joining American born groups. Duodenum from “POBOYZ” has another view on the matter, entirely.

“We need to make American hackers great again. These little Iranian kids are coming in, taking all of our good hack jobs and turning them around faster, with less notoriety quicker than you can say ‘ScarJo leaked nudes.’ It’s getting absurd and it’s not right. We don’t get paid to do this stuff so all we want and get is recognition for a job well done. Now these kids with their totally anonymous deeds are stealing away the whole notion of credit! What’s the point of doing something to better the world if you can’t get recognized for it! I don’t’ care that little Timmy gets a better credit score. I want to make it happen but I don’t care if I don’t get my tag or my crew’s known somehow! Doing good isn’t enough! It’s just not enough for us! This is America, we need to do more than good, we need to get recognition!”

As it stands, we have no confirmed cases of foreign hackers taking over American hack jobs and spoofing themselves as American hackers, but that’s simply because we can’t even confirm any of these people aren’t just the same dude replicating himself 400 times to make it look like he has friends, when he doesn’t.

The post American Hackers Upset Over Record High Outsourcing Of Hacktivism first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Stay-at-home keyboard warriors, Anonymouse, declared war on the Federal Reserve today. While many folks expected to see something out of the Mr. Robot Season 1 story arch, instead we were treated to reports of “not much of anything.”

A barrage of DDOS attacks were launched at multiple banks that serve as part of the Federal Reserve banking system, however, it really was just attacks on their websites. None of their internal infrastructure was affected, no banking systems were taken down and none of the 1% even knew it was happening.

While Anonymouse is known to make a bigger impact during their events, this one was felt about as much as a mouse fart. As the chairperson of the Federal Reserve, Democrat Janet Yellen took a break from feasting on the limbs of babies to make this statement: “While we appreciate the fear and hatred from the masses at our capabilities of snapping our fingers and ruining the lives of the poor, we do not take attacks like this lightly. If you dare to attack our bank’s websites, we will be forced to… I’m sorry, HAHAHAHAHAH! I can’t even keep a straight face on this one. Oh, man. No one even goes to these websites! By the time we noticed our IT team in Bangladesh had already pinpointed what systems were affected and brought up redundant servers to take their places. It’s like they’ve never even done this before. Come on! We’re too big to fail! Make us fail! Don’t make us 404… that’s not going to do much but tickle. Seriously, try to collapse the economic system of the free world with a DDOS attack. That will work every time! Ugh… you’d think they’d do something worthwhile like finally get a good copy of the Ghostbusters remake or Suicide Squad up on torrent sites so people wouldn’t have to pay to watch those crappy movies, or get the Sausage Party animators better paychecks. Sorry, I’ve just really been in a movie going mood lately. Good night.”

After Janet Yellen walked off, representatives told us that Anonymouse was rearing for another round of attacks, this time on the Hess Truck website, as a way to assert their belief that we have too much dependency on oil and need more clean, renewable energy resources. Once again, this showed that they really have no idea what the hell they are doing and need better leadership in place if they hope to do something worthwhile.

They sure do have a nifty logo, though! Ah crap, it looks like they’re trying to take down our website!

The post Anonymouse Attacks Federal Reserve Where It Doesn’t Really Hurt first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.