The Senate confirmed Hedorah, The Smog Monster on Friday to run the Environmental Protection Agency, putting a seasoned opponent of nature, cleanliness and renewable resources at the helm of President Trump’s efforts to dismantle major regulations on climate change, decency, clean water, breathable air and to cut the size and capability of the government’s environmental watchdog. Basically, screw the planet.

As the United States has clearly vowed to plunge the entire planet into a frenzy of black lung despair and pulsating, radioactive skin boils, we can only hope that Godzilla and Mothra will hear the call of the more sensible humans out there and save us from our own demise.

If you’re familiar with Hedorah, you then know that he has 3 possible forms at which he can use his disgusting, malformed, pollutant body to render the world around him useless and decayed. Well, Donald Trump has already been doing that with less than a month into his presidency, so dark days are surely upon us, now.

We tried to reach Hedorah for a statement but he was apparently busy leaving eggs in the ruined lands and waters of Refugio County, Texas where a Kinder Morgan gas pipeline exploded and burned.

The post Hedorah The Smog Monster Confirmed To Head EPA first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Get out your knives and forks, because it’s time to carve in! As tables are set around the United States for a peaceful, tranquil and dinner, Native Americans and DAPL protestors will be served a slice of pain, anguish, disgrace and possibly death. As Thanksgiving is often remembered as “that time the pilgrims sat down to eat with Native Americans before slaughtering them,” this Thanksgiving is likely to skip right past the dinner.

As history tends to repeat itself, the needs of some white folks will always outweigh the needs of some marginalized members of society. This is the way it always has been, and dammit, this is the way it will always be.

You can’t make America Great Again without repeating what we’ve done in the past, so maiming Native Americans, stealing their land and ruining their chance at a good dinner is sure to be the most appropriate way to handle things.

Does the United States really need the Dakota Access Pipeline? Oh, God no, not in the least. That’s why we want it so much! The more of something we don’t need, the better. Like, give me more stuffing. I know I already have some on my plate, but I need more, so gimme! The stuffing I already have looks great but the stuffing I don’t have yet is sure to be so much better, so I must have it!

Let’s not forget to be thankful for the protesters, without whom we would have no one to satiate the bloodthirsty appetites of those who wish to abuse their power and privilege. Sure, you’re fighting the good fight of the the right and righteous, but you’re also giving those DAPL Police a grand target for their rage, because that’s all they see you as, and not as people. Oh, and can you pass the gravy?

The post DAPL Police To Celebrate Thanksgiving By Slaughtering Native Americans And Stealing Their Land first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.