We were all there and we all remember what it felt like. All of a sudden you couldn’t see the faces of those you loved. No more memes, no more photos of your neighbor’s garbage for sale. It wasn’t just Facebook, but Instagram, Whatsapp and Facebook for Workplaces. Almost no corner of social media was safe, like some kind of visual social media Rapture. But could this photographic “white out” have been divine? Could God really have had anything to do it? One priest in Kenel, South Dakota seems to think so.

Father Horace Sickendick is pretty certain that the LGBTQ Pride Parades at the end of June have something to do with it.

“God just couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t want us to have to see all this nekkidness, half–naked men with bulging biceps, dancing in the streets. Girls with their tops off with paint covering their nipples… what were they all thinking? Did they think that they could do all this stuff and there would be no consequences?” Father Sickendick goes on to say that it wasn’t just what they were doing out there, but how many photos people were uploading really did the number.

“I lost track of how many hundreds and thousands of photos I saw. Just one after the other, of gay men booty dancing in the streets, hugging and kissing each other. I must have seen at least 10,000 photos of this stuff before I had to call it a night and take a shower. These images wouldn’t leave my mind the whole time I was in there, cleansing every last inch of myself after seeing this stuff. God doesn’t want us to see it all, that’s why he killed the photos on Facebook.” Father Sickendick went on to show us a few examples he had saved on his phone just to make such talking points. As he went through the images, he made sure to point out the “really bad” ones of the hundreds he had saved on his phone.

Could it really be? Could there have been divine intervention, making images simply not work all over social media for one day? Why the day before America’s birthday? Why just one day, if it’s because of the Pride parades? Well, if it was that then God no longer cares as everything is back to normal and totally visible for all of us to see. 24 hours of divine censorship doesn’t sound like a really good plan, but at least now we can be accepting of everyone again.

The post Priest Blames Pride Parade Photos For Facebook Downtime first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

As the 2016 Presidential Election nears, emotions are on a proverbial roller coaster, tempers are flaring and self-hatred on a national scale has taken over. Everyone hates this election. Just about no one is happy about the choices we have to make, but Facebook wants to make you feel good about the fact that you intend to even make a choice.

Yes, now you too can exclaim your love for the privilege and right to vote in the United States. As is often said, it’s not real unless it’s on Facebook and now it’s so very, very real. You can now show the world, with a simple status update, that you are registered to vote in the general election! You can also remind others to register. It doesn’t matter that you might only be here for school and all of your 2000 friends live back home in Australia, you now can remind them all to register to vote in the American election they can’t partake in!

Have you not been able to tell everyone how good a mother you are by breastfeeding? Have you not been able to remind everyone how awesome you are to the world by being a vegan? Has it been 3 days since you last spoke about how much you’re saving the planet by riding a bike every day? Well, here is your release! You can just show how in tune you are with trying to do good by slapping that big, ole ugly graphic on the top of your Facebook status and proclaim your intent to vote during the election. The best part? You don’t even have to vote! You can just say you’ve been registered and all these fuzzy, good feeling will come true!

Sure, they might be giving you crap about not vaccinating your kids, but you don’t want them to be autistic and it’s okay because you’re letting them know you’ve registered to vote!

It doesn’t matter that you’ve used drugs to knock out every woman you’ve ever slept with. That’s called rape, by the way, but it’s okay because you’ve just told everyone you’re registered to vote!

Have you strangled a small child? Do you like it when people defecate in your mouth? Do you enjoy watching Glee? All of that is okay! You’re registered to vote! You have saved lives! You have kept black people from being shot by the police for today! You have fed a starving child! You have clothed a naked baby left on the steps of a convent! You have registered to vote and you’re a damn hero.

This is all just a way of trying to make us feel better about taking part in the worst election in modern USA history. When it comes down to it, that’s not the worst idea, since you may be potentially voting for the worst human being to ever rule over the states. You could use a little back patting to make you feel good about choosing from the unchoosable.

Now, that you feel so much better about yourself, we’re glad you’re feeling better, but please, we don’t really care. No one cares if you registered to vote, they just care if you actually go out and vote. Actually, most people don’t even care if you do that. People generally just care about themselves and what they do. It’s all just social masturbation. We still love you if you didn’t register to vote, just don’t do any of the other crap we mentioned. Please. I know Glee isn’t as bad as rape, but both should be avoided at all costs.

The post Facebook Attempts To Increase Self-Esteem During The Most Hated USA Election first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.