If you’ve been worried about clicking on those WikiLeaks links, reading up on your favorite or least favorite presidential candidate and maybe being manipulated by foreign hacktivists, well, you should worry, at least according to CNN. As part of its initiative to dole out free, incorrect legal advice, CNN told people that reading leaked classified documents was illegal, unless you were at CNN.

For those who have been wondering, that is complete and utter bullshit. You do, however, need to realize that you get what you pay for. Unsolicited, free legal advice, is usually wrong. It is also going to almost always be wrong when the person telling you this information has everything to gain from becoming the exclusive place to get freely available, and now very-public, information.

We’re not sure what wrong things they will tell you next, but we have nice little preview of it. Feast on these doozies that will be coming out of the CNN Legal Handbook, very soon!

• It’s not rape if they are sleeping. This is what we like to call the Cee Lo Green defense. How can it be rape if they didn’t say no? I mean, you can’t say no unless you’re talking in your sleep, right? And that could be because you’re dreaming of something else that has nothing to do with consensual sex, so even if they say no in their sleep, that just might be a no they are answering to a different question. Maybe in their dream someone is asking them, “Do you want to not have sex?” If they answer no to that, they are really saying yes to sex, so there you go!
• It’s only murder if you get caught. Well, this has to be from the very basic section of the  of CNN Legal Handbook. I mean, we all kind of know this one. Sure, you might have killed in cold blood, but it’s not “real” until you screw up and leave some evidence that leads to you.
• Alternate side of the street parking means you can pick whichever side you want. Oh, those jerks over at CNN are really screwing with us, now. This is dirty pool, folks. First they want to act like they have exclusive, free, public information you can only get from them and now they’re just setting us up for parking tickets. Those savages.
• You can raise the rent to whatever price you want. I don’t know a lot about housing laws, but I know this can’t really be true. Right? It has to be fake. I mean, outside of NY, at least.
• Copy and paste all those things they tell you to on Facebook, or else the good things won’t happen and the bad things will. Okay, it’s time to burn down the offices of CNN. They love to help spread stupidity, falsehoods, misdirection, misinformation and hysteria. But this… this is just taking it too far. Don’t you ever repost those stupid chain messages on Facebook!

So, there you have it. CNN hates us and wants us all to die. That’s the only conclusion we can come up with for why they would spread these horrible, terrible, fake, bad legal advice.

The post CNN Now Offers Free, Incorrect Legal Advice first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

There are a few different ways to disappoint the internet. One of them is not having the latest nude shots of their favorite celebrities readily available. Another is to promise the delivery of something and then postpone it. Yet another is to never promise anything they want, at all. Somehow, all of these things are relevant in the current election cycle. Well…. no one is really asking for naked pictures of Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton, but we did get those racy shots of Melania.

Anyhow, last night, WikiLeaks was set to deliver a bombshell to the Hillary Clinton campaign in the form of a huge document leak. Instead what was delivered was a large infomercial for WikiLeaks and a lot of attempts to sell you Julian Assange’s books. Sounds like he’s a profiteer, now, doesn’t it? What happened to the freedom of information that they promised? Has all of that gone by the wayside? Well, it looks like they want to make us wait for this supposed bombshell till November, which is a big disappointment.

Similarly, the world has been waiting on news about Half-Life 3. Are we ever going to see this game from Valve Software? Are both these docs and HL3 just another notch on the belt that holds up our waiting for vaporware? Are these Hilary Clinton documents going to come to us in a timely manner, or will it already be too late? What is the relation? Not a lot, but I really like playing around with the imagery of Valve’s logo and the concept of a leaky faucet with WikiLeaks. I’m nothing if not a selfish lover.

Trump supporters everywhere are incredibly disappointed. Not only did they not get what was promised to them, but they also can’t bust open crates as Gordon Freeman. Sure, they could go back and play the Portal games and Half-Life 1 and 2, but that’s just not the same. They want to be able to justify their ignorance, hatred, racism and xenophobia with documented evidence while they finally close out the story of Black Mesa. I mean, don’t we all?

We’re trying not to hold our breath on this one, but we fully believe that we won’t get any of what we want by the end of the year. I will say this, though. The chances of me fighting off headcrabs and Overwatch soldiers seems more likely to me than Assange and WikiLeaks delivering anything that is going to derail Clinton becoming our next President of the USA. I’m not sure which I’m more disappointed in, but at least in both cases I’d be playing out an end of the world scenario. Only,one of them would be fictional. Guess which one?

The post WikiLeaks Clinton Docs Less Likely To Release By November Than “Half-Life 3” first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.