Darrell Castle vs. Monica Moorehead? How about Rocky Roque De La Fuente vs. Alyson Kennedy? Does Gloria La Riva ring a bell for you? No? Well, don’t you fret, no one else knows who they are, either!

The sample ballots are in and Americans are terrified at all these “ethnic sounding names” on the ballot! If you thought Barack Obama sounded exotic, you’re totally going to get goosebumps and a semi-chub reading the full list of presidential candidates in the United States. Other, less cultured Americans, however, will be purely horrified at the thought that so many foreigners, that were all born in the USA, have infiltrated their precious little ballots.

“I knew about Jill Stein and that Johnson guy, but what the hell is it with all these Latino names on the ballot? I never heard of them before. I mean, I was okay with Hillary Clinton running for president, even though she’s a she, but I have to call a spade a spade, or a spade a spic or whatever you want to call it. These Spanish names just don’t do it for me. They don’t sound very American to me,” said Hector La Rosa, an Italian man from Las Cruces, which is in Doña Ana County, New Mexico. “Why weren’t they on the debates? I watched all three of those things and it was just Hillary and Trump. If they were real candidates, they would have been on there!”

Unfortunately, independent candidates don’t get to debate with Republicans and Democrats on a national level unless they reach 15% of the total votes in the electorate. The odds of that, however, are basically slim to none, especially when so many of the 3rd party candidates are Hispanic or at least carry the Hispanic or “ethnic” names of their parentage. Even the white candidates couldn’t muster up that kind of support, simply because they came off too much like the “nerds” in the back of the class, laughing when people were making fun of them to their face, or because they were just really high every time someone asked them really important questions. We’re looking at you, Gary Johnson.

So, when someone asks you who you supported, and you give them a 3rd party name, just know that even that name will get you judgment, staring and a whole lot of WTF?! from the people you might stop calling your friends after November 8th.

The post Americans Terrified By Sample Ballot Showing More Than 4 Candidates For President first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Pro-tip: if you want to win an election, don’t make promises that favor your opposing candidate’s victory. Latinos For Trump co-founder, Marco Gutierrez went on record saying that Latinos and Hispanics have a dominating culture and that Trump is the only one who has a plan to stop them. He ignores the fact that there is a difference between Latinos and Hispanics (yes, there is) and that Mexico was conquered by Spain. He flat out denies it even happened. Then he goes on to say, “If Hillary Clinton wins we’ll have taco trucks on every corner.”

Never mind the fact that reading the words “Latinos for Trump” makes me feel the same way as if I read the words “Blacks for The KKK” or “Misogynists for Hillary Clinton,” the simple concept that the Mexican immigrants overall influence on the United States would be a higher availability of tacos is just too good. Seriously, if you wanted to deter Americans welcoming an influx of Mexicans, maybe don’t start by promising that they will deliver a food that everyone, even Republicans, is down with. Promise liver and onions, sardines, tripe, deep fried crickets, monkey brains or some other unappetizing dish on every corner. Tacos? Americans love tacos. Do you know how many Taco Tuesday posts you see on Twitter or Facebook every Tuesday?

This kind of campaign tactic might show the largest disconnect with American voters, as the Trump camp doesn’t even know what Americans want. Freedom, respect and civil rights don’t even come close to the power that a taco wields over the American people. You think gun rights is a big deal? Try taking away someone’s carnitas. Signs that say “Don’t tread on me,” would quickly be changed to “Don’t tread on me, unless you’re bringing me tacos, because that would totally be okay, dude.”

This move is sure to cause Hillary Clinton’s numbers to surge. All she needs to do is take a picture of her pouring some of hot sauce from her purse on a taco and it’s game over. This election would be in the bag, literally. The only way Clinton can screw this up is if one of her campaign supports promises free money on every corner if Trump wins.

Let’s take this one step further. A taco truck on every corner is an instant, huge growth of jobs. We’re talking thousands upon thousands of jobs created. I’m not sure how many corners there are in the United States, but I’m going to estimate that it’s somewhere close to a million. That many taco trucks is not only going to wipe out the unemployment problem but possibly homelessness and hunger issues. Tacos are cheap, delicious and there are so many possible varieties that even vegans and vegetarians can get in on the taco action.

Who would have thought that Trump’s biggest enemy wasn’t only his own campaign but the taco bowl he took pictures of himself eating.

The post Latinos For Trump Promises Taco Truck On Every Corner If Clinton Wins first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.