A shocking revelation has come about during this election cycle, as only six of the nation’s newspapers have endorsed Donald Trump, or at least are willing to admit it. While even the most hardcore Republicans have stepped away from backing their dark horse candidate, like they were about to step into a puddle of herpes, these few papers have stood their ground. The average Trump supporter, however, hasn’t even noticed because they simply don’t read newspapers.

Oddly enough, sales figures suggest that many are actively buying these papers, they just aren’t reading them. We went out to question a few of the neighbors in these towns, and the results weren’t very surprising or shocking, but they were a bit telling.

“I love the crossword puzzles. Now, I don’t actually fill them out. I don’t have that kind of time, but I like staring at the black and white spaces. I like how the blacks and whites are separated, and there are no gray spaces. I love that about crossword puzzles,” said Tammy Boreson. We caught her just as she was walking out of her doctor’s office, getting a checkup for her tubal ligation. Thank goodness, for that.

We spotted a copy of Waxahachie Daily Light on a porch front that just happened to have a Trump/Pence banner on the front fence. We rang the doorbell and out came Orville Niles, who seemed a bit angry at us. “You rang my doorbell just because of some flippin’ newspaper? Yeah, I get it every day. I don’t know why, though. I think the person who owned this house before me used to get it and these people just never bothered to stop sending it. I use it to pick up my dog’s crap and whack her on the nose when she does the wrong thing. You really need to keep a bitch in her place. I don’t bother reading it, though, because of the Liberal Media. All the media is liberal. All of it. You even need to go to a Liberal arts school just to write for these damn things. Were are the conservative arts schools? Nowhere, because the whole system is rigged and newspapers are for communist, liberal scum. If I could burn every newspaper in the country, I would. How’s that for your goddamn energy independence? Burn them papers and we’d have enough energy to fuel the whole damn country. No one thinks of things like that because they keep reading these liberal things and just want to watch lesbians kiss and have gay sex with children. I tell you, they’re poison.”

Needless to say, after that interaction we decided it was best if we went home and cried about the state of things.

The post Only Six Newspapers Endorsed Trump But His Supporters Didn’t Notice Because They Don’t Read first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

The figures have just come in and depending on your political leaning, your candidate seems to be winning. This information is a big change over the last election, where your candidate didn’t seem to be winning, but was a sure bet. It seems that even though your candidate may have lost last time, you’re pretty sure your candidate will win. This is simply because you’re still beholden to the same biased news site for all of your media intake.

Yes, you love your candidate, and so does your choice of politically biased news programming. You’ve never really tuned into it to get more information, or learn a damn thing about your opposing party or candidate that might make you like them, you just want to be affirmed of your thoughts and feelings.

You feel justified when they tell you things you already feel to be true. You love you and you don’t ever want being yourself to be challenged and that’s totally fine. If you don’t love you, no one else will… and no one else probably does. Does your politics make you who you are? Probably. Should they? No. Your politics should be determined by who you are, not the other way around.

Statistics, facts, the truth: those are all malleable things to you. Why would you need to listen to anything else but your valued, trusted and favorite news source that tells you all the things you already knew?

Just revel in the fact that your candidate is winning. But, please, don’t turn to that other website, channel or newspaper for information, because then you’ll find out that the other candidate is winning, too. That will just upset you more than you already are about this election.

The post Your Preferred Candidate Is Leading In The Polls Of Your Favorite News Source first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

If you’ve been worried about clicking on those WikiLeaks links, reading up on your favorite or least favorite presidential candidate and maybe being manipulated by foreign hacktivists, well, you should worry, at least according to CNN. As part of its initiative to dole out free, incorrect legal advice, CNN told people that reading leaked classified documents was illegal, unless you were at CNN.

For those who have been wondering, that is complete and utter bullshit. You do, however, need to realize that you get what you pay for. Unsolicited, free legal advice, is usually wrong. It is also going to almost always be wrong when the person telling you this information has everything to gain from becoming the exclusive place to get freely available, and now very-public, information.

We’re not sure what wrong things they will tell you next, but we have nice little preview of it. Feast on these doozies that will be coming out of the CNN Legal Handbook, very soon!

• It’s not rape if they are sleeping. This is what we like to call the Cee Lo Green defense. How can it be rape if they didn’t say no? I mean, you can’t say no unless you’re talking in your sleep, right? And that could be because you’re dreaming of something else that has nothing to do with consensual sex, so even if they say no in their sleep, that just might be a no they are answering to a different question. Maybe in their dream someone is asking them, “Do you want to not have sex?” If they answer no to that, they are really saying yes to sex, so there you go!
• It’s only murder if you get caught. Well, this has to be from the very basic section of the  of CNN Legal Handbook. I mean, we all kind of know this one. Sure, you might have killed in cold blood, but it’s not “real” until you screw up and leave some evidence that leads to you.
• Alternate side of the street parking means you can pick whichever side you want. Oh, those jerks over at CNN are really screwing with us, now. This is dirty pool, folks. First they want to act like they have exclusive, free, public information you can only get from them and now they’re just setting us up for parking tickets. Those savages.
• You can raise the rent to whatever price you want. I don’t know a lot about housing laws, but I know this can’t really be true. Right? It has to be fake. I mean, outside of NY, at least.
• Copy and paste all those things they tell you to on Facebook, or else the good things won’t happen and the bad things will. Okay, it’s time to burn down the offices of CNN. They love to help spread stupidity, falsehoods, misdirection, misinformation and hysteria. But this… this is just taking it too far. Don’t you ever repost those stupid chain messages on Facebook!

So, there you have it. CNN hates us and wants us all to die. That’s the only conclusion we can come up with for why they would spread these horrible, terrible, fake, bad legal advice.

The post CNN Now Offers Free, Incorrect Legal Advice first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.