While the rest of the United States was shocked and mortified over the sudden realization that World War 2 never quite ended, the head Nazi-In-Chief set his sights on starting World War 3.

Determined to out-nuke each other, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un sent each other text messages, tweets and passive-aggressive e-mails detailing just how bigger and better one’s nuclear prowess was. The two child-like menaces spent hours gambling with millions of lives hanging in the balance, as they sorted out their obvious hang-ups with the need to over-compensate for their fragile masculinity and tiny genitalia.

Finally, they agreed to a cock-fight to be held in a yet unnamed neutral territory which will be televised the world over. The United States has enlisted the help of James Cameron to use his film-making ingenuity and technological background in order to be able to capture the micro-penis sword-fight to the death in full detail.

The date for this bought is currently being finalized, as well as the rules and regulations. In order to avoid potential war crimes, very specific details are being hashed out, like the banning of any outside ordinance, such as implants, chemical enhancements or stunt-cocks from being used in the fight.

Security will be beefed up at this event, as the obvious fix for most of the world’s problems would be to eradicate these two morons off of the face of the planet, but we can’t have nice things so instead we’ll have to deal with them both existing for the moment.

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Everyday, President Donald Trump manages to surprise us with a new social networking low, whether it be cursing out a celebrity, complaining about the news or posting photos of him eating Tex/Mex food. Well, recently, he sank to a new, ultimate bottom, putting everyone in the world at risk. We’ve grown used to expecting some idiotic nonsense to tumble out of his mouth or through his greasy, fat fingers, but not generally something that could send us into a post-apocalyptic reality.

During one of his 3am Twitter tirades, Trump wrote the phrase “covfefe” in a tweet. What seemed like an innocent flub that was missed by spellcheck, autocomplete and the subhuman eye, turned out to be far more grave in nature. Covfefe is, or I should say, was the password necessary to deactivate the Permissive Action Link (PAL) which protects our nuclear devices.

Considering that Trump has been recklessly using his personal smartphone to speak to dignitaries around the world, sending unsecured work e-mails and sexting with his daughter Ivanka, him unleashing the one thing that is keeping the United States from being one giant mushroom cloud on Twitter was unsurprisingly bound to happen.

The United States military rushed to change any and all arming codes necessary once this happened. Oddly enough, this isn’t the first time the USA has fumbled the nuclear football, as the old password years ago was “000000000.”

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After North Korea showed off that it has been conducting nuclear weapons tests, the united states decided it was time to give a show of force by basically sending two large, flying penises over their waters, letting them know just where we stand.

Adorned with the message, “OUR D*CK IS BIGGER!” two B-1 bombers flew by North Korea to let them know what’s what. As a playful show of force, this was a stern message letting them know that our cocksure Air Force, nuclear weapons and military strength are not to be messed with. I mean, we do spend more on the military than just about every other nation combined, so if we don’t get to unzip and let it hang out every once in awhile, what’s the point of all that spending? It’s kind of like when a woman gets breast implants. Sure, it might help with her self esteem, but soon enough she’s going to whip those puppies out every chance she gets. She paid good money for them. There is no reason to keep them hidden because she wants to get her money’s worth!

Anyhow, North Korea’s response was expected, as officials sent out a message saying, “It’s a nice bluff. Really, decent sized bluff, but we aren’t intimidated. Our nuclear weapons may be younger and seem smaller from afar, but we’re a grower not a shower.”

The relationship between North Korea has always been rough, but things are getting serious when both parties start waving their Johnsons around at each other.

We’ve censored the image of one of the bombers sent over, but if you wish to see the uncensored version, please click on the photo below:

The post USA To North Korea: “Our D*ck Is Bigger!” first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.