While September may officially be National Preparedness Month for floods in the USA, the National Weather Advisory has issued a warning that our flood problems may only worsen by the time we get to November.

Apparently the rampant feelings of oppression from white men, and more specifically rich, white men, have reached a tipping point. The proliferation of big, man baby crying has caused the oceans to flood over and record rainfall in just about every state in the south. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Agency (NOAA) has released it’s latest water model and if Hillary Clinton winds up as our president, as predicted, we might be in serious trouble.

While the end of the world will surely come swiftly, and succinctly, if Donald Trump becomes President of the United States, Hillary Clinton’s presidency will bring about biblical level flooding. A projection of severe man tear flooding is expected to wash out just about every red state, with even some blue states taking the hit.

While the fact that the USA women brought home more medals from the olympics than the men was enough to cause some late summer downpours, the electing of the first woman president might be impossible to recover from. We asked why this didn’t happen eight years ago when Barack Obama became our first president of color, (whether he is referred to as our first black, brown or bi-racial president), and the simple answer was that the flooding all happened in 2009, when they were less aware of the growing white male tear epidemic. If you do look at 2009, however, there were major flood all year round in many different parts of the USA, but especially major flooding during the fall in the south.

The fact that Obama is half white, though, did save us a bit of downfall. With a woman, however, no racial background will make a difference, as the most ardent misogynist is generally blind to a woman’s skin color.

Let’s also add in the fact that now entire NFL teams are supporting the Black Lives Matter and Colin Kaepernick’s decision to sit during the national anthem, at every NFL game they play until they see some serious reform, and you have the potential for the highest amount of simultaneous white male tears to ever be recorded. This is one to watch out for, folks.

Be smart, buy your boots and try to keep your white male friends happy and free from feelings of oppression.

The post Record USA Flooding Tied To White Male Tears first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Presidential Republican nominee, Donald Trump, has reportedly had to cease watching the rest of the Olympic games. Due to the graphic nature of the recent injuries at the games, he is entirely too excited to continue viewing them.

As French gymnast Samir Aït Saïd and Brazilian judoka Sarah Menezes had their Olympic dreams cut short in incredibly gruesome and violent fashions on the first day of games out in Rio, Donald Trump couldn’t take it anymore.

“Well, I was very excited at the prospect of winning. I mean, the USA is fantastic and great, but we could be even greater. If we just won more we could be so good at winning that we’d win even more. When I saw that young man’s leg break, it almost felt as good as that the first time I saw my wife Ivan… I mean, Marl… I mean… uh… it was like the first time I stared into the eyes of my beautiful daughter, Melania’s eyes. No, no, my daughter Ivanka’s eyes! Damn it all to hell, why did we have to name her so similarly to her mother?”

When asked if it was the gruesome nature that made him have to stop watching his remarks were not what we expected.

“Oh, heaven’s no. That’s not it at all. I mean, it was a tough break. You see what I did there? But seriously folks, it was a tough thing to see but I was so happy about it. I mean, with a name like Samir all I could think was hey, Isis may have lost another gymnast! Could you imagine that guy flipping over our future great wall of Mexico, jumping into blow us all to hell? I guess he would never had made the landing but, still, it’s better to be safe than sorry. And that judo or karate girl, or whatever the hell she was doing. Her arm being pulled like that. No American would let that happen. Her last name sounded fairly Hispanic so that just might be one less illegal climbing over our borders. I’m all for the injuries, personally but it just was too good to watch. My heart was racing I had a hard-on the size of a bullhorn and I couldn’t wait to just pound one in. I was kind of afraid of having a heart attack so I just stuffed a roll of cold dollar coins into my armpits and hoped it would cool me off.”

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