While everyone is talking about the possibility of Hillary Clinton having some form of dementia, somehow, the fact that the Green Party’s Jill Stein wound up in a completely different city than her campaign rally stop was located, has escaped the attention and ire of millions. Stein’s airplane somehow wound up completely bypassing Columbus, Ohio and making her way through Mordor and into Mount Doom.

While we’ve all flirted with the notion that visiting a location of Middle Earth might be fun, exhilarating and allow us to see some breathtaking vistas, most of us would not wind up there by mistake. A customary trip to Mount Doom usually happens on foot, while accompanied by 8 other members of a fellowship. You generally will bring the usual camping details, as well as some weapons, just in case you need to protect yourself and maybe some Lembas bread. It’s a long trip, treacherous and something you would never do by mistake. It would be the same as mistakenly travelling to Detroit or Cincinnati. It just doesn’t happen.

Well, it happened. Whether the flight crew was trying to sabotage Jill Stein’s political career, attempt an assassination or just really wanted to see what the hell she would do at the edge of a volcano, somehow a short flight turned into a much longer ordeal. While there are no details yet on how this mix-up happened, rumors are scrambling about that she was in possession of some jewelry that may have compelled the pilot to fly off course. The potential for it to have been an attempt at a robbery seems very slim, but under the circumstances, anything is possible.

Her supporters were very upset, since they were forced to wait an extra two hours for her to finally make it to her own rally in Columbus, but they were not left empty handed. Dwarven shields and swords were given out to help satiate the anger and frustration felt by her followers. The campaign also ordered pizza that was delivered by a swarm of Domino’s Death Drones which both allowed them to eat as well as try out their new armaments.

Finally, when Jill Stein appeared in front of the podium, she seemed to appear just about out of nowhere, addressing her crowd initially in first person plural, confusing the crowd until she cleared her throat and started all over again. Her campaign promised this sort of mistake would never happen again, but we won’t really know until this whole election is over.

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Presidential Republican nominee, Donald Trump, has reportedly had to cease watching the rest of the Olympic games. Due to the graphic nature of the recent injuries at the games, he is entirely too excited to continue viewing them.

As French gymnast Samir Aït Saïd and Brazilian judoka Sarah Menezes had their Olympic dreams cut short in incredibly gruesome and violent fashions on the first day of games out in Rio, Donald Trump couldn’t take it anymore.

“Well, I was very excited at the prospect of winning. I mean, the USA is fantastic and great, but we could be even greater. If we just won more we could be so good at winning that we’d win even more. When I saw that young man’s leg break, it almost felt as good as that the first time I saw my wife Ivan… I mean, Marl… I mean… uh… it was like the first time I stared into the eyes of my beautiful daughter, Melania’s eyes. No, no, my daughter Ivanka’s eyes! Damn it all to hell, why did we have to name her so similarly to her mother?”

When asked if it was the gruesome nature that made him have to stop watching his remarks were not what we expected.

“Oh, heaven’s no. That’s not it at all. I mean, it was a tough break. You see what I did there? But seriously folks, it was a tough thing to see but I was so happy about it. I mean, with a name like Samir all I could think was hey, Isis may have lost another gymnast! Could you imagine that guy flipping over our future great wall of Mexico, jumping into blow us all to hell? I guess he would never had made the landing but, still, it’s better to be safe than sorry. And that judo or karate girl, or whatever the hell she was doing. Her arm being pulled like that. No American would let that happen. Her last name sounded fairly Hispanic so that just might be one less illegal climbing over our borders. I’m all for the injuries, personally but it just was too good to watch. My heart was racing I had a hard-on the size of a bullhorn and I couldn’t wait to just pound one in. I was kind of afraid of having a heart attack so I just stuffed a roll of cold dollar coins into my armpits and hoped it would cool me off.”

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