As political pundits have been weighing in on the who’s, what’s, how’s and why’s when it comes to the election of Donald Trump as our next President, many people keep pointing towards the “silent majority” of uneducated white, male voters that came out in droves to select their ruler of choice.

As it stands, many have said we should pay more attention to them. See what they have to say. Heed their words, needs, wants and possibly learn to nurture the feelings they have. Some have thought that this outreach could be good for all parties involved and maybe bridge the widening gap that the United States seems to have between its differing political spectrums and racial barriers.

Well, it turns out the silent majority has a very strong, loud and annoying voice. They were never really silent, they just kind of went a way for a bit and had their own reality shows, bad country music and crappy channels that we weren’t watching. They were actually pretty damn loud, we just were ignoring them and for good reason.

Addressing many non-whites as “ya’ll colored people” and claiming insane things like “pizza isn’t that good,” it was very obvious to us that we needed things to change and go back to how they had been for a long time. The volume on the formerly silent, now really loud and annoying majority had to be drastically lowered or put on permanent mute.

From staging demonstrations, riots and Twitter hashtags to support Trump, boycott progressive business or to just buy lots of Starbucks with Trump’s name on it, (the worst punishment of a company, ever) it became evident that they needed to shut up. They have had nothing good to say. There were no words of wisdom, arcane nuggets of of joy, wise proverbs or even some good off color jokes. They’re not really funny. The lack of intelligence makes it hard for them to craft anything clever, and that’s probably the biggest disappointment.  I mean, sure, Donald Trump is hot human garbage, but at least he was good for a tons of laughs before it got too real and serious and we realized he was actually in danger of running this God forsaken country.

So, stop trying to plead with them. Don’t placate them and certainly don’t try to reason with them. Ignore them. Block them. Put vodka in their drinks until they pass out. Do whatever you have to do to keep them quiet because we’re all trying to think here and do stuff and they’re carrying on like that annoying guy that’s trying to talk to you on the bus while you clearly have your headphones on.

We’ve asked them to go away, countless times, but they are still here. So, really, we’re going to have to go back to ignoring them and hope they just go away, bored.

The post Silent Majority Asked To Go Back To Being Silent After Having Nothing Good To Say first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Elle Magazine has debuted is fashion forward picks for the fall and winter and beyond what is en vogue for those with different body types, they let us know what the election outcome will do to our glamour landscape.

Under a Hillary Clinton presidency, solid color pant suits will be the new rage, as well as a whole slew of shoulder length hairstyles. While I expected spray tanner to be on the menu if Donald Trump becomes president, that is not in fact the case.

“In a Trump America, racism is the new black,” Elle editor-in-chief Roberta Myers told us. “Expect white cloaks, black armbands and as little color or dark clothing as possible, except for the black armbands. Swastikas will be all the rage, cartoon depictions from the 30s and 40s of different races will be on knit tees and Urban Outfitters will be selling Ghettopoly again.”

The irony of this, of course, is that racism doesn’t want to be dubbed the new black. It prefers the term, “fashion pure.” When we spoke to racism it had a few choice words for Elle.

“I don’t get where they think it’s okay to call me black. I haven’t done anything wrong to Elle. How dare they compare us to those colored folk? What’s next, are they going to call me a Kraut, zipperhead or wetback? This is just wrong. You can’t take my words away from me! That’s MY word! I am fashion pure and that’s all there is to it. I’m the one that told the KKK to use white sheets. That’s my work. It’s been long standing and going on for decades. Everyone knows it’s my work! Pure, white sheets for our pure white brothers! Ever walk into an Apple store and wonder why it looks so clean? Because I talked to Steve Jobs before he died and told him to make that room as white as possible. He took it way literally and decided to mostly hire only white folks as well, which I applauded, but that’s not even what I meant. Still, that’s MY work! Give credit where credit is due! I will never be the new black. I’m way too prominent in power to be black. Think about how many times you’ve thought about the subjugation of an entire people and thought, ‘wow, that’s all because of Racism.’ Well, it was! That as all my work! I don’t need to be the new anything, I’m already fashion pure!”

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We’ve already told you that no one really knows who Mike Pence is and that his haircut gets more press than he does, and now it seems as though he has also taken notice. Trying to steal headlines, remain relevant and shock the public into finally recognizing a picture of him, or his name, Mike Pence is on the attack and saying some pretty crazy things.

After his remark that Hillary Clinton is not suited for the White House because she called racist voters “racists,” he now has started a campaign trail of other gems and nuggets of joy and wisdom.

“Democrats are bad people. They like cheese wheels, touching themselves and weird flavored sodas. Strawberry is not a standard soda flavor. That’s evil, disgusting and really damn weird.” This newest outburst by Mike Pence is not his first foray into saying just about anything to get some sort of reaction. Much like the taco truck fiasco, it backfired with people posting comments on twitter like, “mmm, cheese wheels” and “Don’t you wanna Fanta?”

Before this latest non-event, he also made a few other statements of ridiculousness:

• “I prefer my toast to be butter side down, so it touches my tongue when I eat it.”
• “Sure, black lives matter, but how about their deaths? Don’t their deaths matter even more?”
• “Swedish fish aren’t fish, nor are they really from Sweden. Do we want that in our country? Those lies?”
• “I stand by my decision to not sit. Standing is the thing I do best. These legs, they do stand.”
• “Some people ask me if I’m a dog person or if I’m a cat person. I’m terrified of even just thinking about such things. Human/animal hybrids should be illegal.”
• “I feel like the best way to eat fried chicken is on a private jet. Nothing really gets you closer to knowing what poor people feel like than that.”
• “My record should do the talking. Look at my record. Look at it. Wait like 15 minutes. It will start talking. It took me to not drink water for 13 days but I got it to talk.”
• “Hillary Clinton is a liar. Not those little things that bards play in Dungeons & Dragons, that’s a different kind of liar.”
• “We need to make America great again. We need to stop worrying about what sports team name seems racist and just get rid of those people who are complaining about it. Remember when people didn’t complain about stuff like that, especially since we didn’t allow them to get out of the fields till they were done with their work? That’s what we need again.”

His disconnect with reality is clear, concise and disturbing, but still, no one is paying attention to him. In fact, I almost started falling asleep as I was writing this, almost as if it were like I was listening to an audiobook about Pyramids read by Ben Carson.

The post Mike Pence To Say More Shocking Things Just To Get Noticed first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

First it was Hillary Clinton saying that she carries hot sauce with her everywhere she goes. Then it was Donald Trump and the taco bowl heard around the world. Next we had Mike Pence with his mother, eating fried chicken on an airplane. Soon after came Jill Stein, getting a warrant for her arrest for vandalism in North Dakota. They all are trying so hard to be “down” that it isn’t bringing their poll numbers up.

When will the pandering end? Well, if the latest research has anything to show for it, this pandering will be the doom of every candidate we will ever see. If Gary Johnson decides he needs to take a picture of himself eating Chinese takeout to secure the vote of American Asians, he’ll be next on the chopping block. Futurism Inc., a leading market research organization, has conducted a poll and the results are staggering.

People hate pandering. Taking pictures of yourself doing stereotypically racist things or trying way too hard to “fit in” and be cool will just get you all alone on the cafeteria table. We all learned this in highschool, but these candidates are clueless. If they keep it up, we will have no President of the United States. With Jill Stein it seemed like an enviable thing to do, but then you realize all she did was put some graffiti up on some machinery and you know that it was just a good, stupid photo op. In the hood there would be no pictures of us putting up graffiti, we would just do it. She doesn’t even have a good tag name. It’s inaccurate pandering, at it’s worst. She might as well have taken pictures of herself using Land-O-Lakes butter in order to pander to the Native Americans.

So, we might very well elect no one. As insane as that sounds, many people would love this option. If you can’t have a leader you can believe in, why not believe in nothing? Most of us already do, so this would be a fitting solution.

Can this really happen? Yes, or at least we really, really hope so. If everyone loses, nobody wins, except the American people.

We don’t need Jill Stein to get arrested to pander to people with criminal backgrounds. We don’t need Gary Johnson to play with flaming pieces of wood to pander to people who go to Burning Man. We don’t need Hillary Clinton to take a picture with Bill Clinton and pander to people who have been accused of sexual assault. We certainly don’t need Donald Trump to take a picture with his knife collection and say, “I love my Puerto Rican friends.” What we need is a leader who we can really depend on and trust, which is absolutely nobody.

So, will you vote for no one come November? If this pandering festival continues, the answer is likely to be “yes.”

The post Latest Polls Show That Pandering Will Lose This Election For Everyone first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

While The Ku Klux Klan has been behind the times in just about all manners of thinking, the white supremacists have stuck to their one fashion forward idea for the past hundred years or so: wearing white all year round.

While it was considered a faux pas by socialite and fashionista standards of the 1800s, forward, not wearing white after Labor Day is an American trend that is seldom adhered to. You would think that a group like the KKK that has such backwards ideas, such as burning crosses on lawns, lynching blacks and Mexicans, hating anyone that isn’t white and wearing robes with hoods on any day that isn’t Halloween, would still want to adhere to the social norms of the early 19th century. Nope, not these guys.

“Wearing white is right! It is our God given right in these United States and we, as a people, will not adhere to any silly social norm. What difference does it make what time of the year it is? White works year round. Sure, it doesn’t give the appearance of slimming and can sometimes get stained when we go out in the rain, but you can’t tell me not to wear it just because the summer is coming to an end. I don’t care what those harpy W.A.S.P. women say, white isn’t reserved for their wedding dresses and fancy dinner wear anymore. This is 2016 and if I want to wear white all year round, I can. Of course, I don’t wear white every day, I mean my police uniform doesn’t have a stitch of white on it, but these colors don’t run. Like, literally, there is no color in a white robe so I don’t have to worry about it running. I have to keep it completely separate from my sergeant uniform because those colors totally run in the wash. Don’t ever use color safe bleach with a uniform like that, ever. It’s total hogwash. Actually, no, I take that back, I would never use that to wash my hogs either. Neither my motorcycle nor my pigs out back deserve such treatment. I’m not some kind of cold, uncaring monster, you know?” The unidentified KKK member went on to also mention that the robes worked year round for temperature control.

“It shades you from the sun in the summer and keeps you warm in the winter. It’s really all purpose. I don’t know why more people don’t wear it. I mean I guess I do know why, but it wouldn’t be the first time someone co-opts another culture’s fashion trends to act like it’s their own. My ex-wife got all crazy with the braids in her hair after Bo Derek had that hairdo in that movie Ten but I put the kibosh on that real quick. I told her she had to watch out for it because that was obviously some negro hair appropriation. Man, that was a close one. These robes, though, should be white year-round. Yeah, there are some guys that get to wear different colors because of their level in the hierarchy of the Klan, but what you don’t know is that they’re wearing all white underneath that. Don’t tell them I told you that! Hahaha!”

We also asked him why all the words in the name use the letter K, like if they were objects or characters in a Mortal Kombat game, but he had no real good answer for us.

The post KKK Refuses To Stop Wearing White After Labor Day first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Pro-tip: if you want to win an election, don’t make promises that favor your opposing candidate’s victory. Latinos For Trump co-founder, Marco Gutierrez went on record saying that Latinos and Hispanics have a dominating culture and that Trump is the only one who has a plan to stop them. He ignores the fact that there is a difference between Latinos and Hispanics (yes, there is) and that Mexico was conquered by Spain. He flat out denies it even happened. Then he goes on to say, “If Hillary Clinton wins we’ll have taco trucks on every corner.”

Never mind the fact that reading the words “Latinos for Trump” makes me feel the same way as if I read the words “Blacks for The KKK” or “Misogynists for Hillary Clinton,” the simple concept that the Mexican immigrants overall influence on the United States would be a higher availability of tacos is just too good. Seriously, if you wanted to deter Americans welcoming an influx of Mexicans, maybe don’t start by promising that they will deliver a food that everyone, even Republicans, is down with. Promise liver and onions, sardines, tripe, deep fried crickets, monkey brains or some other unappetizing dish on every corner. Tacos? Americans love tacos. Do you know how many Taco Tuesday posts you see on Twitter or Facebook every Tuesday?

This kind of campaign tactic might show the largest disconnect with American voters, as the Trump camp doesn’t even know what Americans want. Freedom, respect and civil rights don’t even come close to the power that a taco wields over the American people. You think gun rights is a big deal? Try taking away someone’s carnitas. Signs that say “Don’t tread on me,” would quickly be changed to “Don’t tread on me, unless you’re bringing me tacos, because that would totally be okay, dude.”

This move is sure to cause Hillary Clinton’s numbers to surge. All she needs to do is take a picture of her pouring some of hot sauce from her purse on a taco and it’s game over. This election would be in the bag, literally. The only way Clinton can screw this up is if one of her campaign supports promises free money on every corner if Trump wins.

Let’s take this one step further. A taco truck on every corner is an instant, huge growth of jobs. We’re talking thousands upon thousands of jobs created. I’m not sure how many corners there are in the United States, but I’m going to estimate that it’s somewhere close to a million. That many taco trucks is not only going to wipe out the unemployment problem but possibly homelessness and hunger issues. Tacos are cheap, delicious and there are so many possible varieties that even vegans and vegetarians can get in on the taco action.

Who would have thought that Trump’s biggest enemy wasn’t only his own campaign but the taco bowl he took pictures of himself eating.

The post Latinos For Trump Promises Taco Truck On Every Corner If Clinton Wins first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Just don’t let them use Twitter, please. They might find the worst people, ever, to interact with. I’m not talking about millennial, hipster trolls, that get their rocks off by making ironic statements and fighting with you on-line, even when they know you’re right. I’m talking about white supremacists, white nationalists, the KKK, Neo-Nazis, the Islamic State, Westboro Baptists and a slew of other crazy, racist hatemongers.

Twitter has seen the growth of racists jerks by thousands over the past few years. Many will attribute it to Trump allowing people to show their true colors, while being loud and proud about it. Unsurprisingly, many of these folks follow Trump and Trump groups. These brown-hating, anti-gay folks somehow manage to be voting for the same person as the “Gays for Trump” or “Hispanics for Trump” camp, yet if they were all in the same room they would all be fighting and killing each other. Still, I’m not sure that it’s Trump that has them all coming out of the shadows.

People are just garbage. Racist people and hateful people will eventually show their true colors. They aren’t smart enough to be able to hide that kind of nasty for too long. Sure, they might get a cooking show or become millionaires from making fart whistles, but that doesn’t mean they won’t trip up and show how much they hate anyone that isn’t them.

Twitter’s policies make them a bit slow-to-act when it comes to hate groups. They went on full scale attack mode to try to remove ISIS from Twitter, but that proved difficult for them and would require them to do more work than most tech workers want to do. I mean, come on, it’s a pain in the ass just filling out the tag list on this blog. I sigh really hard every time I have to do it. Still, they see almost no action taken when it comes to white-supremacy groups. They just love them, apparently. Twitter is a breeding ground for cowardly, racist a-holes behind a keyboard, and I’m not talking about the keyboardist from Ace of Base.

The fact that NAZI and white supremacists groups have higher follower counts than ISIS, by about as much as 22 times more, makes me think they should be the group people should be horrified and terrified of in the USA, not ISIS. They are already here, are trying to get their golden boy up as president and want to get rid of all the kitchen staff at your favorite restaurants, all the tech support for your computer products, your favorite ethnic chefs, the dancing Fanta soda girls, and the cast of Modern Family. We can’t let them win and Twitter will just let them have a huge, ugly voice, like an overweight Bob Dylan. We must do something about this. Go, make angry tweets at them. Send them private messages of your brown private parts. Send them pictures of men making out or delicious tacos. Do whatever you have to do to scare them off of social media and let them know, we will not go down without a keyboard fight!

The post Twitter Is More Racist Than Your Crazy, Drunk Uncle first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Last week we told you about the situation when “France Banned Burkinis In Case Terrorists Decided To Go On Holiday.” Well, good news came Yesterday when the highest French court suspended the ban and said that the people who did it were “plus bête que la merde de chien.” We totally agree with them.

With this announcement, however, we find many French baguettes, I mean bigots, scrambling for ways to damn the women who were being affected by this whole situation. The latest commentary from hateful Frenchies was of the most stereotypical nature: “Well, now that they are letting women in burkinis back on the beaches, we just won’t go there. The potential for Terrorists In Training to just go wherever they want and do whatever they want to do is going to set this country back hundreds of years.” Dubbing this a “T.I.Ts Out” situation, anti-muslim rhetoric is now hitting some strange places.

Tee shirts with the words “Get Those T.I.Ts Out!” are popping up everywhere now that the abbreviation has stuck. Oddly enough, this has been mostly thanks to American tourists over there, as French people aren’t going to buy some stupid shirt with English words on them, unless they’re being ironic. Those Americans, of course, have no idea that this is about religious suppression and just want to see boobs.

As Terrorists In Training becomes the newest, coolest thing to shout out when hateful xenophobes see Muslims, we expect #TITsOut to start trending and for the phrasing to start spreading all over the world, not just in France.

The post French Xenophobes Respond To Courts: “If Burkinis Are In, Beware Of T.I.Ts Out Situations” first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

While the altruistic deeds of groups like Anonymouse, WikiLeaks and Lizard Squad still leave a lot to be desired, the mantra seems to be the same: screw authority, take down big money and help out the little guy. While most of that hasn’t actually happened with any of them, except for the occasional screwing of authority, the idea has remained… until now.

American Hackers and hacktivists all over are now complaining that they are losing their work to foreigners who are doing the same work, for less recognition.

“It’s really getting annoying,” said B33B33B01, which we didn’t even really know how to pronounce. His group, “Ch3353 B1TC4” is a small splinter off of Anonymouse and is getting fed up with the outsourcing. “You used to be able to know that someone you were Frankensteining code with or sharing your app to was an American, but not anymore. Thanks to IP spoofing and redirection we can’t even tell where anyone is from anymore. I mean, I guess someone we think isn’t American could actually be since we’re so good at hiding stuff now that we can’t verify it, but it’s how good they are that makes me think they aren’t from the USA.”

This hacker’s xenophobia is a growing trend that seems to be scaring away foreign hackers from joining American born groups. Duodenum from “POBOYZ” has another view on the matter, entirely.

“We need to make American hackers great again. These little Iranian kids are coming in, taking all of our good hack jobs and turning them around faster, with less notoriety quicker than you can say ‘ScarJo leaked nudes.’ It’s getting absurd and it’s not right. We don’t get paid to do this stuff so all we want and get is recognition for a job well done. Now these kids with their totally anonymous deeds are stealing away the whole notion of credit! What’s the point of doing something to better the world if you can’t get recognized for it! I don’t’ care that little Timmy gets a better credit score. I want to make it happen but I don’t care if I don’t get my tag or my crew’s known somehow! Doing good isn’t enough! It’s just not enough for us! This is America, we need to do more than good, we need to get recognition!”

As it stands, we have no confirmed cases of foreign hackers taking over American hack jobs and spoofing themselves as American hackers, but that’s simply because we can’t even confirm any of these people aren’t just the same dude replicating himself 400 times to make it look like he has friends, when he doesn’t.

The post American Hackers Upset Over Record High Outsourcing Of Hacktivism first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

While Native Americans petition the NFL to change the name and imagery of the Washington Redskins, a new team was rejected by the NFL for Georgia. Hailing from Stone Mountain, Georgia, the Georgia Crackers would have been a great new addition to the AFC, if it hadn’t been so controversial.

“We hated it,” said Commissioner Roger Goodell. “I mean, I get why some people are upset about the Redskins, but this is so obvious, so overt that we just had to nip it right in the bud.” We weren’t sure if he was making a reference to cotton picking right at that moment, but we let that one go.

“It just doesn’t sit well with us. Can you imagine all these players, many of which are people of color, as they are competing on a field, putting millions of dollars on the line for all of their owners? I mean, the owners of the teams? These guys make tons of money, now. Everything is okay and some yahoos want to go and bring our progress back a hundred years? I mean, no player would want to have some white slave owner with a whip on their helmet. That’s just insane.”

To see if he was correct, we sent out feelers from the players association which was able to get us the ears of some player that were interested in speaking their mind.

“I think it’s f*ck@ng hilarious! Dude, that’s just raw! The Georgia Crackers from Stone Mountain, Georgia? Have you read up on Stone Mountain? That place has ties to the KKK, the confederacy and all that. That’s perfect!” Former Atlanta Falcon player, Deion Sanders was more than enthused by the idea. “I think they should do it! If they don’t like the image of the guy with the whip, then, Hell, change it to a bunch of saltines or some Ritz crackers. The rest of us will still get the idea!”

Unfortunately, the veto for the Georgia Crackers was swift and we’ll never hear of it again. The owners, however, have a list of names they might try to resurge their attempts with, like the San Juan Switchblades, the Greensboro Guineas, the Helena Honkeys, theWyoming Wetbacks and the Massachusetts Micks.

Here is another, larger look at that beautiful Crackers logo:

The post NFL Rejects Proposal For “Georgia Crackers” Team As “Racially Insensitive” first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.