In a stunning victory for black market organ dealers and 3rd world unlicensed surgeons, 217 American House Republicans unknowingly signed up to have their kidneys, livers and other internal organs harvested.

As they fought to dismantled the Affordable Care Act, they had no idea that they were signing themselves up to be found cold, naked and confused in a bathtub filled with ice. As a major blow against the average human in the USA was dealt, those in black market medical practices are incredibly happy with today’s outcome.

“We’re going to do so much business with these parts. It’s going to be like Christmas for anyone who needs a good kidney. You see, these senators and congressmen all have decent health plans and they don’t care what they do to anyone else’s lives, so they are perfect organ candidates. We generally don’t give a crap about where these organs come from, as long as they are nice, fresh and clean. Having decent healthcare, however, narrows down our targets, immensely. Sure, the Democrats would be nice targets, too, but we rather get processing organs from people who don’t smoke so much weed,” street-level surgeon, Siddhartha “The Slicer” Singh told us, today.

Since the average american will be losing their healthcare, the prospects are narrowed down to those with money or cushy government jobs. With these folks just lining up to support a system where amateur medicine, self-medicating and home remedies take over the affordable prospects of healthcare, it only makes sense that they also be viewed as the first folks to steal organs from when they are needed.

There is no word on when the first organs will be harvested but we expect a few “accidents” will be happening shortly.

The post 217 Republican Names Have Been Added To Black Market Organ Harvesting List first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

At the ripe, old age of 162 years, it is feared that the Republican Party has passed away in it’s sleep. After a post-depression identity crisis, the Republican Party looked to be having a momentary lapse of judgment, but it looks now like that was more like an aneurysm with some very serious and grave consequences.

Much like the Great Barrier Reef, Prince, David Bowie and so many beloved others that have come to meet the reaper in 2016, the Republican Party, too, looks to have had one last stand and let out it’s last breath.

We have not had any confirmation from those close to the potentially deceased, but just about every news outlet is reporting the demise of one of our national pillars. Even those flying under the banner of the GOP aren’t being acknowledged by many of those that were once part of it, anymore. It looks like some of the RINO (Republicans In Name Only) camp are trying to resuscitate it, but so far there has been no response or report of vital signs.

We expect that after family is notified we may finally get an official response to the media, a full time and cause of death as well as when and where services can be expected. Until then, let’s remember the good things that the Republican Party have brought us, like Abraham Lincoln, the Civil Rights Act, The 19th Amendment and the time that some guy threw a shoe at George W. Bush’s head.

Oh, the memories.

The post Republican Party Feared Dead At 162 Years Old first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.