The Chelsea area of New York city was rocked by a large explosion last night, injuring nearly 30 people and putting thousands in a rush to find a safe way home. As streets were crowded, busses stalled and subways stopped, many were left wondering, “who would do such a thing and why?”

With no clear motive for the attack, police have narrowed their suspected culprits to a few who may have made a mistake with their targeting. As has been widely reported, the explosion took place inside of a large garbage dumpster. What really happened, however, has not been so widely reported.

As the smoke cleared, more debris around the blast showed that some political pamphlets, buttons and t-shirts were bundled with the improvised explosive device. With it also came a note that had the hashtag “#nevertrump” printed on it, repeatedly.

“While we are certain this was not an act of terrorism, it certainly was an act of terrorism. What I mean to say is that this was not an international terrorist incident. This is purely home grown, as if it were part of a much larger planned attack, this one wouldn’t have just blown up a dumpster. I mean, sure, everyone in the area was scared witless about the explosion, filling them with complete terror, but it’s not really, you know, terrorism by brown people or something. I mean, that’s real terrorism,” said Mayor De Blasio on the subject.

The police believe that the attacker had one target in mind and was misguided and blinded by rage. The suspect apparently saw a garbage dumpster and thought it was Donald Trump, which is fairly easy to understand. That makes this situation more grave because this was apparently an assassination attempt, not just some random amateur incinerator authority buff, getting his jollies.

The police have asked that all residents and business break up their garbage into smaller groups of piles and bags, as to not be confused with any other much hated political figures at the moment.

“There is a hate-blindness that happens every election, where anything that remotely reminds you of your least favorite political figure can become a target of danger. It’s not always garbage, but with Trump it most certainly will be mostly garbage that is targeted. We want you to remain safe and secure, but please separate your trash into smaller piles so people don’t get tempted to attack.” Chief James P. O’Neill was quick to also offer hand outs of current pictures of Donald Trump so that people know what he looks like in order to not confuse him for large deposits of trash in the future.

The post Dumpster Blown Up After Being Mistaken For Donald Trump first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Former political director, Frank Lavin, may not know exactly who is running for president right now, but he knows that he is not voting for Donald Trump. For the first time in 40 years he will be voting for a Democrat.

“Yeah, I’m done. Anyone, really, just anyone else. Thankfully, Clinton is running and he seemed to have done a pretty good job before.”

When asked to clarify his statement, since Hilary Clinton is running for president, not former president William “Bill” Clinton, he seemed a bit confused.

“If you’re telling me that a woman is running for president, I’m just going to laugh at you and pretend like you’re about to tell me that you’re some crazy person coming back from the future. That was a pretty good movie. I liked that Huey Lewis song. It was so catchy!”

We tried to convince him that it was indeed Hilary Clinton that was running against Donald Trump, but he refused to believe us.

“No woman is going to tell us how to tell women what to do with their body parts and how to act. That is firmly and justly a man’s place. Could you imagine that? Getting permission from a woman to do things? That would set this country back so far we’d be asking someone to make America great again. I’d sooner see another actor run for president.”

The post Former Reagan Director: “I’m Voting For Clinton!” first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.