NASA announced yesterday that they have discovered a new solar system that has 7 planets, of which at least 3 are more than likely capable of sustaining some form of life.

As scientists, fans of science and skeptics all weighed in on the issue, wondering if there was life on those planets, a few transmissions were finally revealed to have been received by NASA in multiple languages and forms of written communication.

It looks like we may have finally contacted the first intelligent life anywhere in the known Universe. No, there is no intelligent life on Earth.

Anyhow, after being deciphered the message from the alien beings was quite simple but very direct. Here is what their messages said.

Thanks for reaching out. There is nobody home right now, but please, don’t leave a message. In fact, leave us alone. We’re doing just fine. No need to come visit. Just leave us be. Oh, and no, we don’t have any oil.

Scientists are astonished but most likely the USA won’t heed their message and we’re sure to ruin things with them, as usual.

The post First Contact From TRAPPIST-1 Aliens Beg Us To Stay Away first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Stephen Hawking is one of our last living geniuses. As far as science is concerned, we have many amazing, brilliant scientists alive at the moment, thankfully. Genius, however, is rare and not a word we can easily throw around. That being said, Stephen Hawking is, without a doubt, one of the most brilliant minds on the planet.

This year, Donald Trump has made many ridiculous claims against climate change and dismissing it as a hoax. He’s even gone as far as to say that the United States should issue a “Parexit,” otherwise known as exiting the Paris Accord. If you don’t already know, the Paris Agreement was reached by 195 countries at the United Nations Climate Change Conference in Paris in 2015, aimed at coordinating global efforts to fight climate change and try to undo some of the damage we have already done.

Basically, Donald Trump wants us to withdraw and somehow act like we have no horse in the race, like acid rain clouds, hurricanes, earthquakes and ozone layer holes are just going to skip over the United States or that the melting polar ice caps are just going to ignore us. Frankly, he’s a moron and now Stephen Hawking has drafted a letter to let him know.

Dear Mr. Trump,

At this point in time, I have found it necessary to reach out to you and educate you on some finer points of science. If you continue to insist on these ridiculous notions that are going against already agreed upon factors that have been looked at by the world’s leading scientists, I am afraid that we are going to have to give you a scientific demonstration. You see, with every action comes an equal and opposite reaction. As it stands, when one makes bold, asinine comments, such as the ones you have been making, the community you are rallying against has but one recourse: to respond, in kind. So, with that being said, let me start with some indisputable scientific facts that will help to cement the idea in your head that you have spoken out of turn and that you are going against science: I’m going to kick your f*cking ass!

That’s simply it. You keep running your goddamn mouth about some sh*t you don’t know anything about, and we’re going to have to beat you down until you wish you had your mama’s teats to suck on again. You’re going to cry like the big, fat baby you are. I’m going to take my motorized wheelchair and run a few laps on your ass, until the only thing you can see are treadmarks. You’re going to wander through the world naked, blind and cold, until I run you over again and spin my wheels in between your buttcheeks. It’s game over for you, bitch. I grew up on the mean streets of Oxford. Do you know what it’s like out there? We use baby fingers for christmas crackers. Now I’m just going to use your goddamn face. This is science, bitch. We’re going to end you.

Respectfully,

Stephen Hawking

The post Stephen Hawking To Trump: “I’m Going To Kick Your F*cking Ass!” first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Thanks for sticking through with us, faithful readers. I had to fight off unwanted, internet miscreants, trying to shut down this shining beacon in a world of mistrusted journalism and false facts.

Here we are, in 2016, and still people want to silence the truth. Well, they had us down for a few days, but Anonymouse just couldn’t keep it up for long. Like a boastful teen on prom night, they came at us hard, broke us down but then came up short and empty when the time called for them to do their thing.

Now we’re bigger, faster, harder and stronger than ever! You might notice some new bells and whistles, some small changes and even an subscription option. Well, the dismantling they gave us allowed us to re-think a few things and add some stuff we’ve been wanting to have from the beginning.

This is a free world, folks, and no bullies should be allowed to take us down, unless they are government elected officials, of course.

So, as you go on with your day, no that you have to worry no longer. The Hoof and Trunk Post is back and better than ever. This is better than Coke II, Clear Pepsi and Independence Day: Resurgence, all rolled into one! We shall not disappoint you. New content will start to roll out slowly but surely. Be afraid, you enemies of truth and justice. Our trumpets shall wail and we shall stamp you out!

The post The Hoof And Trunk Post Is Back! first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

While NASA believes that we may be experiencing the hottest year in recorded history, as their midyear climate analysis shows, Republican Senator Jim Inhofe has said that he can prove, without a shadow of a doubt, that climate change/global warming is a complete hoax.

“I don’t feel that hot. Do you? They said the ‘real feel’ temperature outside was 119 degrees. Well, the thermostat said it was 97. Now, I am sweating like a stuck pig, hooker in church during a gay wedding, but it still doesn’t feel that hot,” Inhofe asserted. “You just can’t go around telling people that it’s this hot, or that hot and then the thermostat tells me some other story. It’s 70 degrees in my bedroom. How is it that even possible if it’s the hottest the world has ever been? I don’t care that my A/C is on, that shouldn’t matter!”

We showed him NASA’s data, why air conditioning is one of the major culprits in climate change and how humans have contributed to the warming of the Earth but he still didn’t believe it.

“Nope. That’s silly. Look, if it was so much hotter than it ever was before, how would Louisiana be under water right now? Wouldn’t that dry up so fast? It’s one of the hottest places in the USA! Nope, they have more water than any one has ever seen, well, except Noah. He saw a lot more than that, I’m sure! I’ve been around on this planet for a long time and it’s not changed all that much. Sure, women can vote now and blacks can sit in the front of the bus, but that bus is cold all over, now. It doesn’t matter if they sit in the back or not because the A/C works in the whole damn thing! How could the whole bus be cold if the world was at it’s hottest? Do you see what I’m getting at? I mean, we still get snow in the winter and hot in the summer. That’s how it has always been. Until we stop getting all the snow and I can’t get my bedroom to 70 degrees, I’m not going to fall for this stupid hoax. Ya’ll just want to keep us from having access to oil and fossil fuels. You don’t like it when white people make money from black liquid. I see that now, but it ain’t gonna change. In fact, I might open up a coffee house just to spite you fools, and we won’t serve anything but hot coffee. None of that iced stuff. How’s that for global warming?”

Well, he has us convinced. How about you? Who needs NASA, science, Snopes or Jessica Fletcher when he obviously cracked this one wide open for the rest of us.

The post Climate Change Debunked By Republican Senator: “I Don’t Feel That Hot” first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.