Americans all over the country took to social media to show off their “I Voted” stickers today, but for some people, the acknowledgement sadly was not there. From state to state, city to city, complaints were registered on-line by folks who were shocked to find out that there were no stickers waiting for them after they did their civic duty.

Disappointed voters were met with outrage, disbelief and a feeling of disenfranchisement with the entire voting system in the United States. “What was the point? If I don’t get to wear a sticker that tells everyone that I voted, how will they even believe me? Will my vote even count?” Dianne Zeldamenn of Hoboken, NJ asked, with deep concern.

The answer, surprisingly, is no. Your vote did not count. The United States only officially acknowledges votes that were awarded an “I Voted” sticker. All non-stickered votes are considered backup votes that will only come to play if there is a tie breaker necessary.

Entire counties, cities and maybe even states may have registered thousands upon thousands of votes that may never be accepted as “real” unless things get really heated and close.

How about you? Did you get a sticker? Sign off in the comments below and let us know how you feel.

The post Thousands Of Americans Denied “I Voted” Stickers, Invalidating Their Votes first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

If you’ve been paying attention to the last few days worth of news, you’ll notice that many political outlets have been release hypothetical voting maps based on a varying array of demographics, using census data, poll information and probably lots of hyperbolic nonsense that has no basis on factuality. Such sensational voting maps we saw were: “What if only white men voted?” and the wonderful “What if blacks and women were never allowed to vote?” which were essentially two ways of saying the same thing.

The major media outlets apparently have become so bored with actual voting data that they’ve decided to inundate us with hypothetical situations that will never happen unless we go back in time and change history to be much worse than it has already become.

In light of this wonderful new method of making up news on a slow news day, we’ve taken to creating a few voting maps of our own using no real information, statistics we completely made up and information that is as arbitrary as your poly-sci degree, since you’re still just an assistant manager at Staples.

First up: “What voting would look like if we painted all the states one color.”

This effective map shows just what kind of world we would live in if we sent thousands of airplanes into the sky and just dropped blue paint on everything. It’s a very effective map as you can see, it would totally really change the scope of every two colored map you’ve ever laid your eyes upon. All of those maps would now be full of useless, fake data, just like they already are.

 
Next up: “What Voting Looks Like Based On Which Crappy Song They Dance To At Weddings”

What really strikes us about this map, is that it is much like the actual current voting maps in that, no matter which state you’re in, you’re going to be goddamn miserable. Both of those songs are hot garbage and no one wants to hear or dance to them, willingly. If it wasn’t for all of that free alcohol and because most of your family sucks at actually dancing, no one would ever do this crap to themselves. It also serves to remind people, you can never underestimate the power of large groups of people doing something stupid.

 
Finally: “What if only dinosaurs voted?”

This is absolutely my favorite of our new extrapolated maps. We’re not exactly sure if this means that there is a dinosaur left in the Everglades that no one knew about all this time, or if all the gators count as dinosaurs. Or is it maybe that since so many old people live there that this map is not taking things so literally? I don’t know but I also don’t care. A world where only dinosaurs get to vote is obviously not a fun world for us to live in, but it’s just as viable of a sample study as any of the other really stupid maps that we keep seeing. So please, share this with all your friends to make sure that this never happens in the United States.

There you have it. All voting scenarios are now counted for but I’m fairly certain more silly maps will be seen in the coming days. Don’t let them scare you into voting. I’m sure you’re already scared enough.

The post Media To Continue Releasing Maps Of Ridiculous Voter Scenarios first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

In a stunning decision, the US Government has decided to allowed armed voters at all polling locations in the forthcoming general election. This surprising announcement has made a shock wave through all manners of political discussion and is causing quite the stir. Some are fearful that it will cause chaos or incite violent riots, others are afraid that it will affect the voter turnout numbers.

In order to get to the bottom of this decision, find out more about what it means and have a better understanding of where this even came from, we contacted The U.S. Election Assistance Commission for clarification.

Hoof And Trunk: So, how did the decision come about to allow armed voters into polling locations this year?

US EAC: Oddly enough, you’re the second press group to contact us about this today. This is nothing new and has always been allowed. Armed citizens have a right to vote, just as much as unarmed citizens.

H.A.T: Aren’t you afraid that you could be sending the wrong message, that allowing armed citizens is just inviting something horrible to happen?

US EAC: Are you serious? Have you seen our choices for president? Something horrible is going to happen no matter who gets to vote. Having armed voters isn’t going to change anything. We’ve been doing this since voting in the USA started.

H.A.T.: Wait, you’re saying that this has been going on all this time and we never noticed? How is this even possible?

US EAC: We’re actually kind of surprised that this is even something worth having a discussion over. No body is complaining about any other demographic of legal voters. Aren’t you, yourself, an armed citizen?

H.A.T.: No, actually I am not. While I believe in the right for us as Americans to purchase and own firearms, I don’t personally feel the need to have one.

US EAC: Whoa, whoa… who said anything about firearms. I’m talking about just regular arms. You’re an armed citizen if you have arms. Wait, you thought we meant we were going to allow everyone, everywhere to be able to carry weapons into polling locations? Are you insane?!

H.A.T.: Why would you ever release a notification about people with arms being able to vote? That’s got be the the dumbest thing you guys could have done! Of course the rest of us would be confused by that. It’s so misleading!

US EAC: What? We never released such a thing. We’ve actually made no press releases about anything of the sort and we value our armed voters as well as our unarmed voters. Everyone should be able to cast a vote, arms or no arms. I think the first mention of this just came from your ridiculous, incendiary headline up there.

H.A.T.: This can’t be! You’re saying we made all of this up? But how is this possible! I… I need to sit down. I don’t even know what’s real anymore. Am I even a real person? I’m sorry, I’ll let you go about your day. This is all too much for me. Have a good night.

Uh, sorry about that folks… false alarm?

The post Armed Voters To Be Allowed At All Polling Locations This Fall first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.