Donald Trump Prepares To Celebrate Presidents Day, Not Knowing It Isn’t For Him

Who knew that Lincoln and Washington were so adorable?
Who knew that Lincoln and Washington were so adorable?

While President Donald J. Trump tries to avoid the possibility of he and his cabinet being executed for treason, he’s keeping his mind off of such dour things by getting ready to celebrate Presidents Day!

Unfortunately for him, he thinks it’s President’s Day, and not Presidents Day. It isn’t his day, but the observance of the celebration of the birthdays of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, combined. He, instead, thinks it’s a day just for him to be celebrated, tended to and waited on hand and foot.

“This President’s Day is going to be the biggest and best President’s Day you’ve ever seen. I am so good at being celebrated and I know just how to do it. You’re going to see. We have such great plans for it, really, the best plans. My cake is going to be the biggest cake you’ve ever seen for a President’s Day. I really need this right now, too, because everyone has been so negative, really mean. Sad. This will maybe get people talking about good things again. We just need something fun to talk about for once, you know? We can make America cake again. It’s great. Such great cake. If people want to come and boo and protest me, we’ll invite them for cake. Let them eat it. They’ll all say it was the best cake and then they won’t protest anymore.”

Shortly after that statement, Donald Trump was then reminded that the day is to celebrate Washington and Lincoln and that he would not be having any cake. Afterwards he sulked, cursed out some reporters on Twitter and was found wandering the halls of the white house in boxers with cartoon rubber chickens on them.