Hot Dog Sales Plummet As USA Tires Of NY Post Weiner Puns

Does this picture remind you of something? Maybe your years in college?
Does this picture remind you of something? Maybe your years in college?

As the level of respectful journalism continues it’s steady decline, while young, new faces like Tomi Lahren get paid to rant on her subhuman opinions, or old, trusted journalists like Brian Williams tell fairy tales, it seems that sometimes the only thing you can still trust is a pun-filled headline, rife with sexual innuendo. Well, unfortunately, it looks like those days, as well, are numbered.

Thanks to the latest Anthony Weiner sexting scandal, which really just amounts to the fact that the dude won’t ever stop, The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council (I promise I’m not making them up) is reporting a decline in hot dog sales. They feel that the “horrible NY Post puns are killing our wieners.” Apparently, even though Weiner’s last name has the e before i, and not the i before e, the homonyms are strong enough to do damage. Our question, first, is why is the e before the i when there is no c in the name. No one else is asking this question, but we’ll have to research that one at another time.

“We were struck a huge blow by the ‘Hot Dogs Give You Butt Cancer’ billboards that went up in Chicago a few years ago and now we have to deal with all these terrible Weiner puns. People are so tired of them. We can’t come down on the NY Post for a good penis joke, now and again, but they’ll do days of the same type of crap without there even being new information to actually divulge. It’s like they don’t even realize that wieners encompass a whole slew of different kinds of sausages, not just hot dogs. Why not use this platform they have developed to educate the world on just how many different kinds of wieners there are? All wieners could use some representation and notoriety. Instead, they just keep churning out the hot dog and dick jokes. It’s so boring,” said the top dog of the The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council.

No one expected that such a consistent barrage of bad pun headlines would put wiener sales in hot water, but that’s pretty much the most popular way to cook a hot dog anyhow. The NY Post has always been known to be a total rag of a paper, with no journalistic integrity or cooth, so this comes as no surprise. What is surprising, however, is that they haven’t featured a dead body, scantily clad woman or blood riddled crime scene on their cover since Weiner’s re-entry into scandal land. They’re going to keep riding this Weiner thing out until it falls flat and flaccid. We hope that it’s sooner, rather than later, as the little guys over in the meat-packing districts of the USA could use a helping hand.