Edible Arrangements, the company that has been making men and women the envy of their entire workplace for 17 years, is now ready to announce their newest item, the “Basket of Deplorables.” Inspired by the current political landscape, this delicious basket is filled with just about everything you would think is incredibly bad for you. It may not include poor political choices, shouts of racism, misogyny and xenophobia, but it has enough calories and sugar to take out an entire school bus filled with power lifters.
What is in this incredible basket, you might ask? Here is the break down!
- Chocolate Covered Bacon: While this savory and sweet combo just seems like the most natural way to start off, it hides a more sinister message. The brown, candy exterior hides a heart-destroying pig skin on the inside. What you think sounds like a great idea for you, now, is going to destroy you in at least 4 years time.
- Cinnamon Apple Slices: Hey, it’s a Thanksgiving basket! You need to have some fall goodness in there somewhere. Plus, the cinnamon apples add to the idea of “something wholesome and good turned into something that taste great while you’re having it but will ultimately lead to your demise.”
- Large Assortment of Nuts: Well, what Basket of Deplorables would be complete without a large assortment of nuts? These nuts don’t fact check, read, care about other people or the well being of their future children. Why? Because they are nuts. Nuts don’t think because they aren’t people, see?
- Pineapple Slices: These aren’t that symbolic, they just aren’t what most people want from a fruit bouquet. Sure, YOU might like pineapples, but just about everyone else is going for those strawberries, first. Why do you have to be so selfish?
- Graham Cracker Bits: Not just any cracker will do when it comes to a Basket of Deplorables. Only the grand daddy or grand mommy of all crackers will suffice!
- A Fine Layer of Sea Salt: Covering every edible item in this basket will be a fine layer of sea salt. Have you ever seen happy looking people at a Trump rally? No. They are all salty bastards. This will turn any unsuspecting person that can’t wait to dip in on your delicious look basket into a sour puss. Like George W. Bush said, “Mission Accomplished!”
So, be on the lookout for this hot new, fall basket sensation. Expect office fights, arguments and political hatred to fill every workplace in the next couple of months!