France To Shut Down All Coal Power Plants By 2023 To Prove That Americans Are Bigger Assholes

Whether this is a coal refinery, oil refinery or Wheat Thins factory, we don't know. We just know it looks bad.
Whether this is a coal refinery, oil refinery or Wheat Thins factory, we don’t know. We just know it looks bad.

France made a grand announcement at UN’s annual climate change meeting this year, showing everyone else up as they patted themselves on the back. Proving to the whole world that they are better than the rest of us, as usual, France has made a promise to close down all of their coal power plants by 2023, furthering their superiority and the notion that we’re much bigger assholes than they are.

Popularly, France has been wearing the crown for who the bigger assholes are on the planet, but with this paradigm shift, as America is falling behind in our combat against climate change and global warming, France is set to edge us out by quite a few cool points. If they can truly shake their dependence on fossil fuels before we do, we’ll have no choice but to acknowledge what kinds of self-centered, narcissistic, selfish, do-nothing assholes we are.

Thankfully, a good portion of the country will be able to shake of the blame, pointing fingers at the anti-science crowd, oil lobbyists and other opponents of clean living in the USA, but it won’t keep us from looking like we just kicked the rest of the world’s puppy or pissed in their mom’s souffle. As the scientific majority agrees that the world is taking a sharp turn for the worse, where it comes to climate, it’s a pretty big deal. The biggest part of this is that many are afraid of dying and eventually this is going to kill everyone on the planet… even the French.

I guess that means we still sort of win? Yep, I just proved it. We’re bigger assholes.