To the surprise of many, mostly those who haven’t paying attention the last 39 years, Hillary Clinton has released her tax returns with some surprising information intact. While one would think that certain bits of information would remain concealed or at least be redacted with those fancy and menacing looking strikeouts, the most shocking info remains intact.
We all know that both of the Clintons make a metric ton of money doing speeches for educational and corporate events, but we didn’t really know about the lobby money coming from some of mankind’s most feared groups.
With $1.6 million dollars coming in from Spectre, it is an obvious to our foreign relations. The UK, one of our greatest allies, will want to know exactly what the heck she was thinking. Apparently, the world is not enough. She needed to look through the world with golden eyes and take any and all stocks and bonds from such an organization.
Equally as frightening are the $900k she took from the Sith as a “thank you” for helping her spread the ideas of a growing galactic empire. Thankfully, no one took her seriously at the senate, despite her usually being a force to reckon with in those side-choosing situations.
Even more problematic is the $2.7 million dollars from the multi-headed corporation known as HYDRA. While our sources say they have been part of the government for years, their campaign contributions have never been so transparent. Since the information was released, it seems like ties may have been cut, but two may have taken their place. We reached out to their CEO, only known as Viper, but have heard nothing in response.
Surprisingly enough, there were no contributions from Cobra, KAOS or even The Vatican. Also unsuspectingly absent were any records of ponies being purchased. We really thought they would have more ponies.