Latest Polls Show That Pandering Will Lose This Election For Everyone

The way to a voter's heart is by taking a picture of you eating something that is stereotypically tied to your racial demographic.
The way to a voter’s heart is by taking a picture of you eating something that is stereotypically tied to your racial demographic.

First it was Hillary Clinton saying that she carries hot sauce with her everywhere she goes. Then it was Donald Trump and the taco bowl heard around the world. Next we had Mike Pence with his mother, eating fried chicken on an airplane. Soon after came Jill Stein, getting a warrant for her arrest for vandalism in North Dakota. They all are trying so hard to be “down” that it isn’t bringing their poll numbers up.

When will the pandering end? Well, if the latest research has anything to show for it, this pandering will be the doom of every candidate we will ever see. If Gary Johnson decides he needs to take a picture of himself eating Chinese takeout to secure the vote of American Asians, he’ll be next on the chopping block. Futurism Inc., a leading market research organization, has conducted a poll and the results are staggering.

People hate pandering. Taking pictures of yourself doing stereotypically racist things or trying way too hard to “fit in” and be cool will just get you all alone on the cafeteria table. We all learned this in highschool, but these candidates are clueless. If they keep it up, we will have no President of the United States. With Jill Stein it seemed like an enviable thing to do, but then you realize all she did was put some graffiti up on some machinery and you know that it was just a good, stupid photo op. In the hood there would be no pictures of us putting up graffiti, we would just do it. She doesn’t even have a good tag name. It’s inaccurate pandering, at it’s worst. She might as well have taken pictures of herself using Land-O-Lakes butter in order to pander to the Native Americans.

So, we might very well elect no one. As insane as that sounds, many people would love this option. If you can’t have a leader you can believe in, why not believe in nothing? Most of us already do, so this would be a fitting solution.

Can this really happen? Yes, or at least we really, really hope so. If everyone loses, nobody wins, except the American people.

We don’t need Jill Stein to get arrested to pander to people with criminal backgrounds. We don’t need Gary Johnson to play with flaming pieces of wood to pander to people who go to Burning Man. We don’t need Hillary Clinton to take a picture with Bill Clinton and pander to people who have been accused of sexual assault. We certainly don’t need Donald Trump to take a picture with his knife collection and say, “I love my Puerto Rican friends.” What we need is a leader who we can really depend on and trust, which is absolutely nobody.

So, will you vote for no one come November? If this pandering festival continues, the answer is likely to be “yes.”