Donald Trump To Be Most Expensive Jobber In WWE History

This election has us all in a submission move.
This election has us all in a submission move.

While Donald Trump has neglected to release his tax returns, our investigative unit has been leaving no stone unturned in order to procure some data to put together to really try to hash out the mess that is his finances. While the various commissions of New York have started to release some information about his properties, one amazing find we dug up was from a very unexpected source.

The World Wrestling Federation has apparently been commissioned by the US Government to run this entire election. I know, that sounds positively insane, but once you read the details, it makes so much more sense. Of the two candidates, Donald Trump is actually getting paid more by the WWE than Hillary Clinton is. At first we thought this was an equal pay issue, but then we realized it was far more sinister than that.

If you’re not familiar with wrestling terminology, a “jobber” is someone who is paid and setup to lose a match. Well, in this instance it’s the biggest fight and match the USA has known in ages, and thus being a jobber is a very lucrative place to be, at the moment. The WWE is apparently paying Donald Trump $80 Million to lose, offset from the many millions it is being paid by the US Government to pay for this rigging of the election.

If it seems like Donald Trump is trying very hard to lose, sound like a buffoon or come across like some subhuman, sociopathic monster of rage, it’s because he’s getting paid to. All Hillary Clinton has to do is show up, be herself, know some general things about the real world and boom, election won. It’s basically a political elbow drop from the top of the cage, on a bed of thumbtacks.

So there it is, folks. This election is just about bought and sold, however, don’t be surprised if there is a heel turn by Hillary Clinton if Trump pulls out a surprise victory. This sort of thing has happened before. Don’t forget, Stone Cold Steve Austin was the bad guy for a while, until he became one of the most popular wrestlers of all time. Let’s just hope that isn’t the case with Donald Trump.