Judge Reed O’Connor Begs For A Transgender Urine And Feces Bath

Who needs one of these when you can just pee and crap on a judge?
Who needs one of these when you can just pee and crap on a judge?

In a ruling that has shocked absolutely no one, Judge Reed O’Connor has implemented a temporary injunction that puts a halt to the directive implemented by President Obama on allowing transgendered students to use the bathroom of their choice. While we thought it might have something to do with his political affiliation, we were surprised to find out just why he doesn’t want transgendered folks to be able to use whatever bathrooms they like in Texas schools.

“I just want it all over me. That’s just some perfectly good human waste going to… waste. Listen, if angering, offending and demeaning the LGBTQ community is going to become so much more difficult for me to get off on, at least I can have all my needs delivered to me, directly at home. Let them have no place left to go to and just have them come to me and shower me in all their warm yellow and brown magic,” the sexually depraved judge said with a glimmer of excitement in his eyes. Totally disgusted and shocked by this revelation, we couldn’t help but wonder if this was a much more common thing than we knew.

“Oh yeah, this is pretty much what all of us want. I mean, really, gay, lesbian and transgender folk really pose no threat in the bathroom, but we still hate them for being different. They get applauded for their differences because when they come out of the closet they are so brave and blah blah blah. When we want to have someone piss on us or if we want to touch a little boy or girl, people rain unholy hellfire upon us. Why? That’s just not fair! We have a different way of getting our rocks off, too. Why can’t we be applauded?”

We told him that sexual orientation wasn’t a choice, that you were born that way and that what he was describing was purely for sexual gratification. Some of those things were not only morally reprehensible but illegal. That didn’t make a difference.

“I don’t care. It won’t be illegal in the future, just you watch! Corpses, children, being crapped on, animals… we’ll get what we want, soon enough! You’ll see! If we have to trample someone else’s rights to assert ours, then so be it!”