Major Terrorist Organizations To Use Sarcasm As Main Weapon If Trump Becomes President

It used to be that it was easy to tell who a terrorist was, but then they stopped wearing ski masks.
It used to be that it was easy to tell who a terrorist was, but then they stopped wearing ski masks.

During a town hall meeting between the majority of the major terrorist organizations in the world, quite a few line items were discussed, last night. One of the biggest topics was what these purveyors of hate would do if they wind up with a Donald Trump presidency to contend with. Since the majority of his campaign has been fueled by terrifying his base voters with the threats of terrorism, especially from those of Islamic extremists, they all figured that things were going to get a lot harder for them under his rule.

“We’re trembling. Absolutely terrified over here. I mean, when the leader of the supposed free world has no experience in war, combat or even a hand-to-hand fight, we’re obviously in so much trouble. Like, holy crap, what are we going to do? Hahahahaha!” The masked man shook his head at the idea. These kind of reactions were the majority and it became apparent that only Trump is afraid of Trump in a fight.

In this rarely shared, but kind of hilarious meeting, the heads and officers of about 16 of the world’s leading terrorist organisations were at the same private location. We weren’t allowed to know where it was but they did send us a two-way video feed via Skype. We were disconnected a few times, but they finally had a stable connections once they got the kid in the back room to turn off the Netflix stream of Peaky Blinders on his XBOXONE.

“Could you imagine?” They continued. “This guy is used to fixing all his problems with money and we don’t even care about it. What is he going to do when we’re threatening to destroy a whole state or destabilize a small country? Is he going to bomb us with golden toupees? Maybe he’ll send his wife over here to steal from us! Hahahaha! Oh wait, I forgot, they’re not really married since she’s an illegal alien! Hahahah! Ahh, those idiots crack me up,” he said as he polished his machete.

Another man started up, from another organization that will not be named. “I don’t feel that this is that funny. It’s going to be so very hard to come into the United States, you know? I mean, if he’s got the ear of Rudy Giuliani, what can we possibly do? I mean, it’s not like Rudolph’s big red nose won’t see us coming, you know? I mean, he’s so good at stopping attacks. His track record is just about perfect.”

The crowd groans and someone in the background yells out, “Sick burn, dude!” They all start laughing.

“No, but seriously folks, I mean, all the citizens will be armed to the teeth! They’ll finally have those high grade weapons they want so bad. Every man, woman and child will have access to guns that our little rocks could never do anything against. Worse than that, they’ll probably have all killed each other by the time we got over there. There would be nothing for us to do. We’d have to go on vacation. That sounds terrible! Hhahahahaa! Oh, I kill me. I mean, not yet guys, don’t worry, I don’t have a vest on. You got worried! Haha, look at that guy, he was getting ready to get up and leave!”

It became clear to us that this was basically going to just become a roast and we decided to disconnect and give the feed to the National Security Council in hopes that they could trace the feed and maybe make a surgical strike. Unfortunately, the jokes against a Trump presidency were so popular with the staff that they just watched the whole feed and did nothing to attack the terrorists. It basically gave us a taste of what would happen under Trump: impotence.