In a stunning victory for black market organ dealers and 3rd world unlicensed surgeons, 217 American House Republicans unknowingly signed up to have their kidneys, livers and other internal organs harvested.
As they fought to dismantled the Affordable Care Act, they had no idea that they were signing themselves up to be found cold, naked and confused in a bathtub filled with ice. As a major blow against the average human in the USA was dealt, those in black market medical practices are incredibly happy with today’s outcome.
“We’re going to do so much business with these parts. It’s going to be like Christmas for anyone who needs a good kidney. You see, these senators and congressmen all have decent health plans and they don’t care what they do to anyone else’s lives, so they are perfect organ candidates. We generally don’t give a crap about where these organs come from, as long as they are nice, fresh and clean. Having decent healthcare, however, narrows down our targets, immensely. Sure, the Democrats would be nice targets, too, but we rather get processing organs from people who don’t smoke so much weed,” street-level surgeon, Siddhartha “The Slicer” Singh told us, today.
Since the average american will be losing their healthcare, the prospects are narrowed down to those with money or cushy government jobs. With these folks just lining up to support a system where amateur medicine, self-medicating and home remedies take over the affordable prospects of healthcare, it only makes sense that they also be viewed as the first folks to steal organs from when they are needed.
There is no word on when the first organs will be harvested but we expect a few “accidents” will be happening shortly.