Complete Moron Impresses Millions By Reading Out Loud For An Hour

King Moron stands in front of buffoons and wows them.
King Moron stands in front of buffoons and wows them.

We are nothing, if not a nation of easily impressed people, but a new low was set as the standard last night, during President Donald Trump’s address to the Senate. Applauses were held long and hard as none of the words spoken seemed to even matter.

Sure, there were tons of inaccurate statistics thrown out like they were anything remotely close to reality.

Sure, there was tons of fear mongering and overt anti-immigrant speech, despite trying to act like he was trying to bring together people of all races and backgrounds.

Sure, Donald Trump didn’t sound nearly as idiotic as he usually does, but that was because he was reading off of a speech that some other idiots that are better at writing wrote for him.

The internet was flooded with comments like, “He reads good!” and “Wow, he didn’t pronounce any words wrong!”

The further the reading went, the more impressed folks were with statements like, “It’s been 30 minutes and I have no f*cking idea what he is talking about, but he sure sounds less like a backwards talking psychopath right now. Maybe he’s finally fit to be President?”

Or my favorite, “I didn’t vote for this scumbag. I hate him. I wish his face was smashed in with a ball-peen hammer, but he sounded great tonight! I didn’t know he could read!”

So what was formerly the heralded nation of immigrants is now the land of low expectations and nation of the easily impressed. Join us next week, when we celebrate 47 days of Trump not eating human babies as a President.