This Article Is Not About Donald Trump

So, some other things are happening that you're paying attention to while the house is burning.
So, some other things are happening that you’re paying attention to while the house is burning.

Ah, yes, the circus that is the Presidential Election of 2016. I’ve got some good news for you: we’re not really going to talk much about that today. Today we’re going to talk about much happier things, like how China sees us as their top threat (probably because of that guy saying their name all the time), how¬†Colombia and ELN rebels announce historic peace talks, a misfire of the Nobel Peace Prize before that and the burning of books and universities in Africa.

Oh, that all sounds boring to you? I’m sorry, do you want the news or do you just want your opinions validated? Are you comfortable with just knowing Colombia as the drug kingpins of the 80s and 90s action movies you grew up with? Do you not care about how¬†Spanish Cid. Juan Manuel Santos was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize days after losing the plebiscite, in which a majority of Colombians rejected the accords signed with the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia? That sounds like a fascinating story to me, but you don’t really want to read about that because it doesn’t tickle your peepee about whichever candidate you hate most. You should really read up on it, it’s a doozy. There is a potential ending, as the rebels and Colombia are currently engaged in some peace talks to hopefully come to a happy ending, no hand release necessary.

Okay, maybe some stuff burning will get you going! You know? Like how universities and libraries are burning in South Africa during protests because students can not afford their tuition and apartheid doesn’t really feel like it’s completely gone. I can hear you chanting, “Fire! Fire!” right now, like Beavis and Butthead. Book burning is a cardinal sin, to me. Even crappy books shouldn’t be burned but we should always champion education and try to figure out a peaceful way to protest as well as make the youth that wants to learn be able to do so. Ah, crap, that’s not entertaining enough, either? Ugh. Would you prefer someone getting grabbed by the genitals or mishandling their e-mail?

Hmm, how about China? You guys love to talk about China, right? You get a big ole WWII woody when you talk about the potential war with any country in Asia. 45% of the Chinese public see the United States as a top threat. The public, mind you, not the politicians or leadership. The average person on the street is afraid of us and mostly, probably, because of our loudest idiot screaming about them all the time. Okay, let me avoid that part of the topic for now, but when the people in a place that aren’t really happy with their country can still name the USA as the TOP threat on an almost majority basis over their own government corruption, crime, etc. it might just be time to start paying attention to what we’re doing and putting out there.

Crap, did that just bore you into a slumber? Great, now we can get to sexually taking advantage of you in your sleep, since you’re all cool with that these days.