In the light of the fact that the Supreme Court is allowing President Donald Trump’s latest travel ban on six Muslim-majority nations to go into effect, the grading of the court has declined, sharply into Inferior territory.

With the initial Islamophobic bans threatening to put the court system into Adequate Court territory, that crisis was averted in July when they denied the ban. This time, however, the fact that they have passed it, pending appeals, after previously denying it pushed them beyond Adequate, below Sub-par and straight into Inferior Court territory.

If the motion, post appeals, somehow were to dissolve and not be instituted, it is unknown, at this point, if the Court would return to it’s Superior status or go without an adjective all together.

We’re not sure what impact and adjective-less Court would have on American policy, but currently we’re really just worried about this Inferior Court business.

Experts agree that a similar ban on Christian and Right-wing extremists leaving the United States would do well to at least make things seem a little more equal, since they generally kill more people in the USA than Islamic extremists, but we think that’s still not enough to justify the death of our status as a nation of immigrants.

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While the rest of the United States was shocked and mortified over the sudden realization that World War 2 never quite ended, the head Nazi-In-Chief set his sights on starting World War 3.

Determined to out-nuke each other, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un sent each other text messages, tweets and passive-aggressive e-mails detailing just how bigger and better one’s nuclear prowess was. The two child-like menaces spent hours gambling with millions of lives hanging in the balance, as they sorted out their obvious hang-ups with the need to over-compensate for their fragile masculinity and tiny genitalia.

Finally, they agreed to a cock-fight to be held in a yet unnamed neutral territory which will be televised the world over. The United States has enlisted the help of James Cameron to use his film-making ingenuity and technological background in order to be able to capture the micro-penis sword-fight to the death in full detail.

The date for this bought is currently being finalized, as well as the rules and regulations. In order to avoid potential war crimes, very specific details are being hashed out, like the banning of any outside ordinance, such as implants, chemical enhancements or stunt-cocks from being used in the fight.

Security will be beefed up at this event, as the obvious fix for most of the world’s problems would be to eradicate these two morons off of the face of the planet, but we can’t have nice things so instead we’ll have to deal with them both existing for the moment.

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In a stunning victory for black market organ dealers and 3rd world unlicensed surgeons, 217 American House Republicans unknowingly signed up to have their kidneys, livers and other internal organs harvested.

As they fought to dismantled the Affordable Care Act, they had no idea that they were signing themselves up to be found cold, naked and confused in a bathtub filled with ice. As a major blow against the average human in the USA was dealt, those in black market medical practices are incredibly happy with today’s outcome.

“We’re going to do so much business with these parts. It’s going to be like Christmas for anyone who needs a good kidney. You see, these senators and congressmen all have decent health plans and they don’t care what they do to anyone else’s lives, so they are perfect organ candidates. We generally don’t give a crap about where these organs come from, as long as they are nice, fresh and clean. Having decent healthcare, however, narrows down our targets, immensely. Sure, the Democrats would be nice targets, too, but we rather get processing organs from people who don’t smoke so much weed,” street-level surgeon, Siddhartha “The Slicer” Singh told us, today.

Since the average american will be losing their healthcare, the prospects are narrowed down to those with money or cushy government jobs. With these folks just lining up to support a system where amateur medicine, self-medicating and home remedies take over the affordable prospects of healthcare, it only makes sense that they also be viewed as the first folks to steal organs from when they are needed.

There is no word on when the first organs will be harvested but we expect a few “accidents” will be happening shortly.

The post 217 Republican Names Have Been Added To Black Market Organ Harvesting List first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

After weeks of intense debate, speculation, anger, frustration and confusion, the United States Senate has finally voted on the acceptance of a thoughtless, cold, uncaring brick of cheese as our next Secretary of Education.

Thought to be not much more than a vapid piece of lactose-free cheddar, the incredulous stupidity that was required to make such a decision simply means that the word incredulous will never be understood ever again.

When asked about the future of education in the United States, the brick of cheese said absolutely nothing. It’s a brick of cheese. It knows nothing about education, it has no independent thoughts on the matter and it will do absolutely no good for us or the children that will depend on it.

If served at a party with some pepperoni and butter crackers, it would bring delight to millions, but as the arbiter of knowledge and education in the USA, it will serve no purpose but to gridlock the process of free thought for future generations to come.

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As political pundits have been weighing in on the who’s, what’s, how’s and why’s when it comes to the election of Donald Trump as our next President, many people keep pointing towards the “silent majority” of uneducated white, male voters that came out in droves to select their ruler of choice.

As it stands, many have said we should pay more attention to them. See what they have to say. Heed their words, needs, wants and possibly learn to nurture the feelings they have. Some have thought that this outreach could be good for all parties involved and maybe bridge the widening gap that the United States seems to have between its differing political spectrums and racial barriers.

Well, it turns out the silent majority has a very strong, loud and annoying voice. They were never really silent, they just kind of went a way for a bit and had their own reality shows, bad country music and crappy channels that we weren’t watching. They were actually pretty damn loud, we just were ignoring them and for good reason.

Addressing many non-whites as “ya’ll colored people” and claiming insane things like “pizza isn’t that good,” it was very obvious to us that we needed things to change and go back to how they had been for a long time. The volume on the formerly silent, now really loud and annoying majority had to be drastically lowered or put on permanent mute.

From staging demonstrations, riots and Twitter hashtags to support Trump, boycott progressive business or to just buy lots of Starbucks with Trump’s name on it, (the worst punishment of a company, ever) it became evident that they needed to shut up. They have had nothing good to say. There were no words of wisdom, arcane nuggets of of joy, wise proverbs or even some good off color jokes. They’re not really funny. The lack of intelligence makes it hard for them to craft anything clever, and that’s probably the biggest disappointment.  I mean, sure, Donald Trump is hot human garbage, but at least he was good for a tons of laughs before it got too real and serious and we realized he was actually in danger of running this God forsaken country.

So, stop trying to plead with them. Don’t placate them and certainly don’t try to reason with them. Ignore them. Block them. Put vodka in their drinks until they pass out. Do whatever you have to do to keep them quiet because we’re all trying to think here and do stuff and they’re carrying on like that annoying guy that’s trying to talk to you on the bus while you clearly have your headphones on.

We’ve asked them to go away, countless times, but they are still here. So, really, we’re going to have to go back to ignoring them and hope they just go away, bored.

The post Silent Majority Asked To Go Back To Being Silent After Having Nothing Good To Say first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

The Legion of Doom. The Injustice League. The Serpent Society. You’ve read all of these names before in your childhood and forgot about many of them, until now. For those of us that are still reading comic books, we never forgot, but a real life reminder of what these bad guys were to our heroes has no come in the form of Donald Trump’s choices for cabinet members.

We keep hearing The Legion of Doom thrown about the most, but just about every other supervillain team has been mentioned. A potential resource crisis has come about, however, as citizens are running out of names to bring up. In a sort of geeky one-up-manship, folks have been obsessed with adding more obscure group names to the list and are starting to come up empty. They are running out of supervillain groups to namedrop, and it’s getting worrisome.

“I stopped at the U-Foes. I couldn’t think of anything more obscure than that. Then someone brought up the Children of the Vault and I was kicking myself in the ass for not remembering them,” said Antoine Fordham of Lawrence, Kansas. “There are just only so many people can remember! Like, who remembers the Time Stealers from Booster Gold? Anybody? Nope, no one does!”

While the obvious ones have all been mentioned, a few have seemed to go unnoticed, but once we mention them here they will be off limits for others to one-up each other with. As it is our duty to report the news fully and justly, we have to mention the Twelve Brothers in Silk from Birds of Prey and The Assembly of Evil that appeared during Marvel’s Acts of Vengeance. We actually think that might be the most appropriate comparison, so far. Sorry, you can’t use those names now. We’ve used them.

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Americans all over the country took to social media to show off their “I Voted” stickers today, but for some people, the acknowledgement sadly was not there. From state to state, city to city, complaints were registered on-line by folks who were shocked to find out that there were no stickers waiting for them after they did their civic duty.

Disappointed voters were met with outrage, disbelief and a feeling of disenfranchisement with the entire voting system in the United States. “What was the point? If I don’t get to wear a sticker that tells everyone that I voted, how will they even believe me? Will my vote even count?” Dianne Zeldamenn of Hoboken, NJ asked, with deep concern.

The answer, surprisingly, is no. Your vote did not count. The United States only officially acknowledges votes that were awarded an “I Voted” sticker. All non-stickered votes are considered backup votes that will only come to play if there is a tie breaker necessary.

Entire counties, cities and maybe even states may have registered thousands upon thousands of votes that may never be accepted as “real” unless things get really heated and close.

How about you? Did you get a sticker? Sign off in the comments below and let us know how you feel.

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After a man made an obvious threat against Donald Trump’s life, Republicans are trying to fast track a motion that bans signs, banners and anything else that people might use at a rally to harm their beloved candidate.

While the secret service attacked and pummeled the man, who turned to to be a republican with an anti-trump sign, they are being heralded for their bravery against things with words on them. Reading isn’t exactly the strongest suit of this party, so anything with words on it can pose a threat.

On top of that, the possibility of beheading Donald Trump was a grim reality they had to face, as a larger paper sign might be able to cause the world’s most lethal paper cut. The crowd was stunned as not a single gun was pulled out to shoot the man with the sign, considering how much these people love to talk about how one good guy with a gun could defeat any possible threat. What we learned is that signs and banners are far more dangerous than any gun, since the entire crowd was looking to disperse. It looked like the earth had opened up and giant spiders were chasing them from the opening, judging by the fear in their eyes and incapability they had to protect themselves against reading his sign.

They are set to claim that these weapons, often used during acts of of textual harassment, are not covered by the second amendment rights, as they are not firearms. I guess what I’m really trying to say is, these people are idiots. The measure is not expect to pass as that would require congress to actually meet and do something.

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The House Freedom Caucus are a bit afraid of any and all possible regime changes as we head towards next week’s election. As 34 Senate seats and all 435 House seats are up for reelection, the possibility that Congress will have to be a functioning body of our government system is a very real and possible threat to them.

After what felt like an endless stream of years worth of work refusals, filibustering and all around refusal to do anything, while still getting paid to be there, replacing many of these cold, dead bodies with new, warm living bodies could change things, immensely. If the democrats become the new majority, the possibility of them doing things, like passing bills, discussing policy and just working, in general, will feel completely foreign to any and all that retain their positions in Congress.

Surprisingly, the Republicans have been adamant about term limits being adopted, though they would have much to lose from an imposition that causes lifeless corpses being removed from our government. It’s as if they want to enact the things that Bernie Sanders has been fighting for in order to get rid of Bernie Sanders.

“I don’t really want to show up, or do anything, for that matter, but we need term limits. I think all republicans in office should get a chance to be here. It’s pretty awesome. Imagine the longest vacation you ever took, with the best pay you’ve ever been paid. I love being part of this. You can nap as much as you want, and hell, sometimes we even watch porn on our laptops. No one cares! Nothing is happening here. Who wants to listen to these boring people talk, anyhow? Term limits would be a good thing, so that everyone could get a chance to be here. Plus, we really need more hot, young women here. I don’t even care if they might turn out to be democrats, we can figure something out,” said Roy Blunt from Missouri.

We’ll just have to wait and see, next week, to find out if the vacation is over for these do-nothing politicians.

The post House Republicans Afraid They Might Have To Start Working Again In 2017 first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

When you first walk into a room at a party, there is a certain amount of acknowledgment you expect to get from your friends and family that already in there. Do you go up to greet them or do they come up to greet you? There are many factors that will attribute to this situation and the choices that come with it, but in general, we call that the “first hail.” It shows who cares and respects about the other, especially when it comes to effort in acknowledging your presence.

Well, both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton have a big problem with the “first hail” or really any hail at all. The KKK and associates of the KKK have openly endorsed Donald Trump, but he acts like your old girlfriend that kept her relationship with you on the down low because she was too embarrassed to let everyone know she was having the sex with you… even though she liked it… a lot. See, the KKK is just not attractive enough for Trump. They are like at a 4 or 5 and he’s all about 9s and 10s. I mean, hell, that’s his biggest defence for not sexually assaulting any of the women he deems physically unfit for his sexual scrutiny.

How about Trump’s old buddy from the Mafia days of Atlantic City,  Robert LiButti? There is video from Wrestlmania IV in Atlantic City, NJ that shows them together. 1988 wasn’t that long ago to completely forget the whole thing. He’s trying to act like they were never buddies when they probably shared high-priced prostitutes and cocaine that night. How could you forget a night like that, especially when Macho Man Randy Savage beat Ted Dibiase, The Million Dollar Man? We remember!

Now, Hillary Clinton isn’t exempt from this level of forgetfulness, either. I mean, she’s known Sidney Blumenthal for decades, but you’d only know that because Trump won’t stop saying his name. The man was a bit of a monster towards Bill Clinton’s mistresses as well as alleged sexual assault victims, so we can understand her wanting to keep the distance, but it’s not fooling anyone. You don’t forget a man like this exists… unless of course, he is Donald Trump.

You know, one of her oldest friends? I mean, she and Bill were guests at his wedding, after all. They were all together, having drinks, laughing, plotting the destruction of our planet and the withering of our souls, 11 years ago. Here we are, about to watch their plans take fruition. They’re buddies, but you would never know by how they act in the room together.

Do they have hate sex when we aren’t watching? I really hope they don’t. Just the vision of that is terrifying… but not improbable. They have brought each other more money than either of us will ever see in our lifetimes, but they can’t remember that they are friends.

Now, the point of all of this, really, is that if you can’t remember who your friends are, how can you take care of your citizens? Yeah, there was a point to all of this. I think I might just get there, if you give me a few seconds.

If you can’t remember who your friends are then you will also be quick to make new enemies. When your friends rank so low that they get tossed out with the dirty laundry, because they don’t suit your current needs, so will whatever demographic you are pandering to at the moment.

The fried chicken, the hot sauce, the baby kissing and yes, even calling people “the blacks” are all a form of pandering, but just to the people you’re going to forget when you don’t need them. So, members of the Ku Klux Klan, mafia and the rest of the United states, you have to ask yourself this question: do you want these people to forget you exist? They are already acting like they do. Even the Lannisters in Game of Thrones never forget a debt, and those people are monsters.

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