Americans all over the country took to social media to show off their “I Voted” stickers today, but for some people, the acknowledgement sadly was not there. From state to state, city to city, complaints were registered on-line by folks who were shocked to find out that there were no stickers waiting for them after they did their civic duty.

Disappointed voters were met with outrage, disbelief and a feeling of disenfranchisement with the entire voting system in the United States. “What was the point? If I don’t get to wear a sticker that tells everyone that I voted, how will they even believe me? Will my vote even count?” Dianne Zeldamenn of Hoboken, NJ asked, with deep concern.

The answer, surprisingly, is no. Your vote did not count. The United States only officially acknowledges votes that were awarded an “I Voted” sticker. All non-stickered votes are considered backup votes that will only come to play if there is a tie breaker necessary.

Entire counties, cities and maybe even states may have registered thousands upon thousands of votes that may never be accepted as “real” unless things get really heated and close.

How about you? Did you get a sticker? Sign off in the comments below and let us know how you feel.

The post Thousands Of Americans Denied “I Voted” Stickers, Invalidating Their Votes first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Darrell Castle vs. Monica Moorehead? How about Rocky Roque De La Fuente vs. Alyson Kennedy? Does Gloria La Riva ring a bell for you? No? Well, don’t you fret, no one else knows who they are, either!

The sample ballots are in and Americans are terrified at all these “ethnic sounding names” on the ballot! If you thought Barack Obama sounded exotic, you’re totally going to get goosebumps and a semi-chub reading the full list of presidential candidates in the United States. Other, less cultured Americans, however, will be purely horrified at the thought that so many foreigners, that were all born in the USA, have infiltrated their precious little ballots.

“I knew about Jill Stein and that Johnson guy, but what the hell is it with all these Latino names on the ballot? I never heard of them before. I mean, I was okay with Hillary Clinton running for president, even though she’s a she, but I have to call a spade a spade, or a spade a spic or whatever you want to call it. These Spanish names just don’t do it for me. They don’t sound very American to me,” said Hector La Rosa, an Italian man from Las Cruces, which is in Doña Ana County, New Mexico. “Why weren’t they on the debates? I watched all three of those things and it was just Hillary and Trump. If they were real candidates, they would have been on there!”

Unfortunately, independent candidates don’t get to debate with Republicans and Democrats on a national level unless they reach 15% of the total votes in the electorate. The odds of that, however, are basically slim to none, especially when so many of the 3rd party candidates are Hispanic or at least carry the Hispanic or “ethnic” names of their parentage. Even the white candidates couldn’t muster up that kind of support, simply because they came off too much like the “nerds” in the back of the class, laughing when people were making fun of them to their face, or because they were just really high every time someone asked them really important questions. We’re looking at you, Gary Johnson.

So, when someone asks you who you supported, and you give them a 3rd party name, just know that even that name will get you judgment, staring and a whole lot of WTF?! from the people you might stop calling your friends after November 8th.

The post Americans Terrified By Sample Ballot Showing More Than 4 Candidates For President first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

The House Freedom Caucus are a bit afraid of any and all possible regime changes as we head towards next week’s election. As 34 Senate seats and all 435 House seats are up for reelection, the possibility that Congress will have to be a functioning body of our government system is a very real and possible threat to them.

After what felt like an endless stream of years worth of work refusals, filibustering and all around refusal to do anything, while still getting paid to be there, replacing many of these cold, dead bodies with new, warm living bodies could change things, immensely. If the democrats become the new majority, the possibility of them doing things, like passing bills, discussing policy and just working, in general, will feel completely foreign to any and all that retain their positions in Congress.

Surprisingly, the Republicans have been adamant about term limits being adopted, though they would have much to lose from an imposition that causes lifeless corpses being removed from our government. It’s as if they want to enact the things that Bernie Sanders has been fighting for in order to get rid of Bernie Sanders.

“I don’t really want to show up, or do anything, for that matter, but we need term limits. I think all republicans in office should get a chance to be here. It’s pretty awesome. Imagine the longest vacation you ever took, with the best pay you’ve ever been paid. I love being part of this. You can nap as much as you want, and hell, sometimes we even watch porn on our laptops. No one cares! Nothing is happening here. Who wants to listen to these boring people talk, anyhow? Term limits would be a good thing, so that everyone could get a chance to be here. Plus, we really need more hot, young women here. I don’t even care if they might turn out to be democrats, we can figure something out,” said Roy Blunt from Missouri.

We’ll just have to wait and see, next week, to find out if the vacation is over for these do-nothing politicians.

The post House Republicans Afraid They Might Have To Start Working Again In 2017 first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

When you first walk into a room at a party, there is a certain amount of acknowledgment you expect to get from your friends and family that already in there. Do you go up to greet them or do they come up to greet you? There are many factors that will attribute to this situation and the choices that come with it, but in general, we call that the “first hail.” It shows who cares and respects about the other, especially when it comes to effort in acknowledging your presence.

Well, both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton have a big problem with the “first hail” or really any hail at all. The KKK and associates of the KKK have openly endorsed Donald Trump, but he acts like your old girlfriend that kept her relationship with you on the down low because she was too embarrassed to let everyone know she was having the sex with you… even though she liked it… a lot. See, the KKK is just not attractive enough for Trump. They are like at a 4 or 5 and he’s all about 9s and 10s. I mean, hell, that’s his biggest defence for not sexually assaulting any of the women he deems physically unfit for his sexual scrutiny.

How about Trump’s old buddy from the Mafia days of Atlantic City,  Robert LiButti? There is video from Wrestlmania IV in Atlantic City, NJ that shows them together. 1988 wasn’t that long ago to completely forget the whole thing. He’s trying to act like they were never buddies when they probably shared high-priced prostitutes and cocaine that night. How could you forget a night like that, especially when Macho Man Randy Savage beat Ted Dibiase, The Million Dollar Man? We remember!

Now, Hillary Clinton isn’t exempt from this level of forgetfulness, either. I mean, she’s known Sidney Blumenthal for decades, but you’d only know that because Trump won’t stop saying his name. The man was a bit of a monster towards Bill Clinton’s mistresses as well as alleged sexual assault victims, so we can understand her wanting to keep the distance, but it’s not fooling anyone. You don’t forget a man like this exists… unless of course, he is Donald Trump.

You know, one of her oldest friends? I mean, she and Bill were guests at his wedding, after all. They were all together, having drinks, laughing, plotting the destruction of our planet and the withering of our souls, 11 years ago. Here we are, about to watch their plans take fruition. They’re buddies, but you would never know by how they act in the room together.

Do they have hate sex when we aren’t watching? I really hope they don’t. Just the vision of that is terrifying… but not improbable. They have brought each other more money than either of us will ever see in our lifetimes, but they can’t remember that they are friends.

Now, the point of all of this, really, is that if you can’t remember who your friends are, how can you take care of your citizens? Yeah, there was a point to all of this. I think I might just get there, if you give me a few seconds.

If you can’t remember who your friends are then you will also be quick to make new enemies. When your friends rank so low that they get tossed out with the dirty laundry, because they don’t suit your current needs, so will whatever demographic you are pandering to at the moment.

The fried chicken, the hot sauce, the baby kissing and yes, even calling people “the blacks” are all a form of pandering, but just to the people you’re going to forget when you don’t need them. So, members of the Ku Klux Klan, mafia and the rest of the United states, you have to ask yourself this question: do you want these people to forget you exist? They are already acting like they do. Even the Lannisters in Game of Thrones never forget a debt, and those people are monsters.

The post Donald Trump And Hillary Clinton Have A Problem Remembering Their Friends first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

“Basket of Deplorables”

“Grab her by the pussy!”

“She’s a nasty woman.”

“We’re gonna build a wall!”

“What’s Aleppo?”

This was best of times for T-shirt designers while it was the worst of times for the rest of us, and it’s all coming to an end. With just mere weeks before election day, this historic campaign cycle has yielded an immeasurable treasure trove of quips, phrases and just really stupid words tied together that were so easy to just slap on a shirt and make a few bucks.

Fans of the free market economy were overjoyed, as screenprinters around the nation reared up to make the best and worst shirts for all political backgrounds available. If you wanted to go to a Trump rally with a shirt that said, “Jail her and nail her,” you could. If you wanted to go to a Hillary rally with a shirt that said, “I’m voting for someone who isn’t a complete moron,” you could! If you wanted to go to a Gary Johnson with a shirt that said, “Wait, where am I?” you could!

You could basically get anything you wanted and do anything you wanted, except for vote for the person you really wanted as president, because he wasn’t allowed to play with others.

Even the Green party had a great shirt that sold in droves, with “I’m with her. No, the other her.”

All of this, however, will be over very soon and the shirt sales will plummet. Back they will go to bootlegging aging rock bands shirts and selling them for 10 dollars at least 300 feet away from the venue. Back they will go to making shirts of both teams for the Super Bowl and hoping they can sell enough of them before the game, so they aren’t stuck with too many shirts from the losers.

The fun is over. The golden age of printing cash has come to a screeching halt and all the Tee shirt creators are sighing and crying over the dry spell that will now commence.

But there is a glimmer of hope. Depending on whoever becomes president, they will at least be able to continually print things that mock our new president in fabric. The phrases will be limited and it will be more like actually being part of an activist movement, but shirts will be sold. All is not lost, folks. All is not lost.

The post T-Shirt Designers Sad About Nearing End Of Ridiculous Election first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

While the Republicans have had a failed retention of their dynasty, with Jeb Bush losing out to Donald Trump or just about anyone else with a pulse in this election cycle, the Clinton dynasty looks to officially have begun with Hillary just about on her way to become our next President of the United States. With her daughter, Chelsea, already seeming to be on her way up the political ladder, people are starting to get uncomfortable that we’ll be seeing Clintons as presidents from this point forward.

That is, except, for when it comes to Socks. Socks Clinton, the cutest, furriest member of the Clinton family, may not be the obvious future choice for POTUS, with him being dead, and all, but that isn’t going to stop the Clintons. Looking for an obvious replacement that will also be named Socks, the search is on for the future new cat in town that will also carry the reigns in the Clinton family once they are handed over to him, or her!

With the ridiculous cat-related catch phrases coming out of Donald Trump’s campaign, they could have potential political fodder for years to come. Since the previous Socks lived a full 20 years, there is no real time limit for the new Socks the cat to gain a political stranglehold on America, making it the most powerful pussy in the nation.

How will the United States handle it’s first cat President? Well, as long as the cat is groomed for the role, properly, I think we’ll be okay, but I am no fan of dynasties in a democracy or republic. The dangers of corruption and self-serving politics are very real there. The conspiracy theories abound are enough, such as the PUSA theory. If you abbreviate President of the USA you generally get PUSA. Pusa is the Tagalog word for cat, so many Filipino Americans have been theorizing that we were going to get a cat for a president for years. Is this just the culmination of a long planned conspiracy? Is the illuminati really getting their way or is this just some ridiculous coincidence? I guess we’ll all just have to wait and see.

Oh my God, you’re so widdle and cute! Those paws. Those tiny adorable paws. Awwwwwwwwwwww

The post Socks The Cat To Be Next Clinton Family Member To Be Groomed For The White House first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Just about everyone is tired, fed-up and done with this entire election cycle. It’s been called a joke, appalling, deplorable, embarrassing and a farce. Most people aren’t happy with the final choices of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and the average outlook is grim. The United States could use a booster shot to the morale center, but the odds are against us. This all started a while ago, with the veritable cornucopia of ridiculousness that was our candidate selection process and it only seemed to get worse from there. The US Government, however, may have a solution, though it might be too little too late.

The USA is asking George R.R. Martin to re-script the election, from scratch, and wipe everyone out. In a hail of bullets, swords, knives and blood, we’d be back to a clean slate. It would be like we never heard the foolishness from Ben Carson about grain silos or Jim Webb basically crying about white people ignored in this country… to a room full of Democrats. You almost forgot about that one, right? Yeesh.

Before we got to this basket of deplorables or, as I like to call them, the choices so expendable, we had a full year and more of foolishness. It hasn’t ended yet and most likely won’t end after the election, either. We’ve got an other 4 to 8 years worth of stupidity coming our way, regardless of who is elected… so why not go back, try to erase all of that and put ourselves in a better place for some new choices.

Take them out! All of them!

That’s the decree and we sure hope good ole’ George can step up to bat. Maybe only slightly wound Bernie Sander, though. He’s a pretty decent guy. He doesn’t need to be taken out of the picture, entirely. We can still use him. That Mike Huckabee, though, let’s get him and Trump to a Red Wedding!

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In a shocking move, the powers that be have decided to move the final Presidential Debate of 2016 to the High Desert State Prison grounds. Formerly to be held at University of Nevada-Las Vegas, this showdown between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton is shaping up to be a historic battle with high stakes in an intimidating arena.

With criminal accusations lobbed at both candidates like scandalous hand-grenades, it could potentially turn out to be a situation where whomever loses this debate has to stay behind. With Donald Trump being questioned for sexual assault, fraud and for cheating contractors out of their pay, he has almost just as much to lose as Hillary Clinton and her multitude of e-mail scandals, corruption in the DNC and what most people just call politics, in general.

The attendants will be frisked to make sure no one is carrying any shivs, lighters, bags of human excrement or hand made explosive devices. Prison meals will be fed to both candidates before the debate so that they know exactly what they are in for, if they lose.

The candidates are expected to perform as usual, since they are generally used to being surrounded by career criminals, anyhow.

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It really does take a lot to offend the sensibilities of a rat, but it has happened, and this time you can blame the media. Yes, the conspiracy theorists cries of “blame the media” are actually valid, as from one major site and newspaper to the next, all you can see are headlines like “Republicans Flee Backing Of Trump Like Rats From A Sinking Ship.” This imagery is painted, repeatedly, from one source to another, fostering one of the oldest cliches we have ever heard, as humans.

Well, some rats have noticed and they are not happy with the comparison. One in particular, Buck Muridae, has written an open letter to the media in hopes that the offensive, and potentially racist, stereotype doesn’t continue.

Dear members of the media,

I am a rat. I am proud to be a rat. My ancestors and I have survived untold horrors perpetrated by humans, other animals and nature alike, just to be able to forage into a new world, lead a better life and care for our children. Some of us even had to eat our children to survive, but those of us that have made it to see this day do not deserve the unjust slighting we are getting at this moment.

You have been rallying your hatred behind this terrible, offensive human being and are now shocked that he’s been terrible and offensive in the past? Well, that’s all fine and good, until you bring my family and friends into it. Comparing the GOP pulling out of support for Donald Trump to that of us rats fleeing a sinking ship is not only ignorant, but tone deaf, offensive and, yes, racist. The trials and tribulations that my ancestors have faced, during their travels to the United States and other places abroad should not be trivialized. It’s bad enough that we had to compete with mice and other, lesser rodents that never gave us credit or appreciation for sharing the grains and food that we salvaged from these wrecks. Having humans turn our misfortune into a catchy cliche, on every newspaper and website is just a huge slap in the face.

How would you like it if a newspaper said something like “Republicans jump out of the GOP like people jumping out of a collapsing skyscraper?” Does that sound catchy to you? Oh, I bet you’re offended by that one, and you should be. This is the same kind of treatment we’re getting. Not only do you leave us to eat your scarps and garbage, but judging by your headlines you think we are the garbage.

If you agree with me, then please, share this message. Be our ally. This isn’t about being politically correct, this is about doing the right thing.

Sincerely,
Buck Muridae – A rat and proud

The post Rats Fleeing Sinking Ship Offended By Comparison To GOP first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.

Is it possible to back the wrong horse? Are individuals not allowed to choose who they believe in? Should logic, self-preservation and commonality ever have anything to do with your choices when it is time to vote? You’d think so, but many people out there just simply don’t care.

“I like that I know where he stands. Some of the other people running seem to just say whatever they will to get the vote. Him? Not so much,” says Ramjay Chaudry. Who is he speaking about? He doesn’t know. “You know, the guy with the… the one running. Him… with the hair.”

As far as elections go, this one might be the first for people voting because someone has or doesn’t have hair. It might be the first one where the vote goes to “you know, the guy.” The uninformed public are going to be making decisions and many are going to be against their own best interest.

“I like her because she seems to really stand by her opinions and because she’s for gay marriage,” said Erin Kaminski. We then informed her that Hillary Clinton didn’t always support gay marriage, and thus she doesn’t always stand by her opinions for long. “Oh, well… at least she does now, right?”

“I want a president that represents me. I want someone that stands up to help the poor, that doesn’t have self-interests involved with their politics, that might actually look out for the little guy. With that being said, I’m not voting, because that person doesn’t exist.” Jason Finkelstein makes minimum wage at his job shaving pigs and is tired of the money in politics, so he’s not voting. “I was pretty sure I was going to vote for Trump, at first, but the more I heard him talk the more he reminded me of my job. I can’t go home and put on the State of the Union Address and feel like I’m at work, shaving pigs.  I just can’t do that. Then I read about his policies and realized he’s not the guy for me. I read up on Hillary Clinton and realized that she might be the person for me, but then tomorrow she might not… and then she might be again two days later. I can’t deal with that kind of back and forth. I need some firm commitment.”

With groups like Latinos for Trump, Blacks for Trump, Gays for Trump, People Who Aren’t Bankers for Hillary and people who are voting for Gary Johnson, it’s amazing to see that such a terrible election could elicit not only so many emotions, but so many people willing to vote against their own benefit or even self-preservation.

The post Minorities And Poor Excited To Vote For People That Don’t Represent Them first appeared on The Hoof And Trunk Post.