Monthly Archive: August 2016

Hot Dog Sales Plummet As USA Tires Of NY Post Weiner Puns

Does this picture remind you of something? Maybe your years in college?

As the level of respectful journalism continues it’s steady decline, while young, new faces like Tomi Lahren get paid to rant on her subhuman opinions, or old, trusted journalists...

The English-Only Movement Wants To Erase Latin From Our Money

We have Latin words on our money. Do they have English words on money in Latin America? Probably not.

Everyone has some. You walk around with it in your pockets, every day. They line your wallets, purses and the bikini bottoms of strippers all over the USA. They...

Sports Are More Important Than Anything Else, Ever

Even though we love American Football, we still have to admit that so many of the fans are just awful.

In recent memory, there have been many atrocities committed by unsavory human beings on the soils of this great nation. Psychotic killers, shooting innocent civilians in Orlando, police brutalizing...

French Xenophobes Respond To Courts: “If Burkinis Are In, Beware Of T.I.Ts Out Situations”

Last week we told you about the situation when “France Banned Burkinis In Case Terrorists Decided To Go On Holiday.” Well, good news came Yesterday when the highest French...

Gary Johnson’s SuperPAC Spends $1M On TV Ads, Forgets That People Don’t Watch Live TV

Gary Johnson Invites You To Feel His Johnson

If there is one thing we know about Libertarians, it’s that they are supposed to be very frugal about spending. Gary Johnson wants to get rid of federal funding...

Domino’s Perfects Attack Drones To Kill You, Still Sucks At Making Pizza

This drone is going to kill you.

Domino’s revealed their plan for world domination today, with a drone program that will most likely beat all major tech companies like Amazon and Google to the punch. They...

American Hackers Upset Over Record High Outsourcing Of Hacktivism

You know he intends to do the world harm with his fingers by how he isn’t showing them to you.

While the altruistic deeds of groups like Anonymouse, WikiLeaks and Lizard Squad still leave a lot to be desired, the mantra seems to be the same: screw authority, take...

Mike Pence’s Only Major Headlines Are About His Haircut, Including This One

Nope, that’s not even Mike Pence getting a haircut because no one cares about him enough to have royalty free images of him.

After our exposé on how we found out that Mike Pence Is So Unloved And Unimportant That Royalty Free Photos Of Him Do Not Exist, we really expected him to...

Judge Reed O’Connor Begs For A Transgender Urine And Feces Bath

Who needs one of these when you can just pee and crap on a judge?

In a ruling that has shocked absolutely no one, Judge Reed O’Connor has implemented a temporary injunction that puts a halt to the directive implemented by President Obama on...

Anonymouse Attacks Federal Reserve Where It Doesn’t Really Hurt

We are Anonymouse. We are adorable. We do not leave our house. We are coming for the big cheese. Expect mice.

Stay-at-home keyboard warriors, Anonymouse, declared war on the Federal Reserve today. While many folks expected to see something out of the Mr. Robot Season 1 story arch, instead we...