Monthly Archive: September 2016

Putin Resurrects KGB To Bring Home Yakov Smirnoff

The Russian Honor Guard guards the honor of Russians so no one else can have any.

We thought we heard the last of Russia’s most feared and dangerous asset, but we were wrong.¬†Yakov Smirnoff is about to make headlines again. Oh, and Vladimir Putin also...

Libertarians Are Forgetting Who Gary Johnson Is

Just like most Libertarians, the porcupine they chose as their logo is prickly and generally prefers to stay alone.

As it holds true for their leadership, it is not surprising to find out that Libertarians, just like Gary Johnson, can’t remember fairly important things. First Gary Johnson didn’t...

Donald Trump To Be Most Expensive Jobber In WWE History

This election has us all in a submission move.

While Donald Trump has neglected to release his tax returns, our investigative unit has been leaving no stone unturned in order to procure some data to put together to...

The First 2016 Presidential Debate Was Terrifying

I don't think we even need to describe this photo.

If there is anything that has become more clear with the first presidential debate of 2016, it’s that Lester Holt has no upper lip. Thank goodness for closed captioning...

Celebrities Comment On First Debate But We Ignore It

Washington DC - Where dreams of crushing other people's dreams come true.

As both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump rear up to take charge and move head on through the first presidential debate of this election, everyone who’s anyone is now...

Prisoners Are On Strike, But You Don’t Care Because They’re Prisoners

And the flag was still there, because it had no possibility of parole.

In a surprising effort that shows that somehow prisoners have better communication with each other in different states than you did in your last, failed relationship, some 25,000 prisoners...

Clinton Vs. Trump Compared To Crab Vs. Shoe & Other Dumb Battles

This is just one of many battles we would rather watch than the upcoming debate.

There have been many classic debates and battles over the course of human history. The first televised presidential debate, between John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon in 1960, is still...

Facebook Attempts To Increase Self-Esteem During The Most Hated USA Election

It's not just for trying to find random people to have sex with anymore! Now it's for recruiting voters!

As the 2016 Presidential Election nears, emotions are on a proverbial roller coaster, tempers are flaring and self-hatred on a national scale has taken over. Everyone hates this election....

Minorities And Poor Excited To Vote For People That Don’t Represent Them

Keep playing that flute, marching on into certain doom.

Is it possible to back the wrong horse? Are individuals not allowed to choose who they believe in? Should logic, self-preservation and commonality ever have anything to do with...

Stephen Hawking To Trump: “I’m Going To Kick Your F*cking Ass!”

By Jim Campbell/Aero-News Network

Stephen Hawking is one of our last living geniuses. As far as science is concerned, we have many amazing, brilliant scientists alive at the moment, thankfully. Genius, however, is...