Month October 2016


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T-Shirt Designers Sad About Nearing End Of Ridiculous Election

It's all about to be over. The ridiculous phrases and insane rhetoric were a T-Shirt designers dream.

“Basket of Deplorables” “Grab her by the pussy!” “She’s a nasty woman.” “We’re gonna build a wall!” “What’s Aleppo?” This was best of times for T-shirt designers while it was the worst of times for the rest of us, and…


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Mike Pence Is A Replicant Android

Do Androids dream of 4 year term limits, the vice presidency and emotionless rhetoric?

Thanks to Mike Pence’s very robotic and emotionless response to a 12 year old girl asking about Donald Trump’s horrible words about women’s looks, we can now come to the conclusion that he would not pass the Voight-Kampff test. As…


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Republican Party Feared Dead At 162 Years Old

It puts the Trunk in Hoof and Trunk. Wait, you just got that now? Finally? Jesus.

At the ripe, old age of 162 years, it is feared that the Republican Party has passed away in it’s sleep. After a post-depression identity crisis, the Republican Party looked to be having a momentary lapse of judgment, but it…


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CNN Now Offers Free, Incorrect Legal Advice

The giant globe outside the CNN offices, where dreams are made, dumb things are said and election coverage is annoying.

If you’ve been worried about clicking on those WikiLeaks links, reading up on your favorite or least favorite presidential candidate and maybe being manipulated by foreign hacktivists, well, you should worry, at least according to CNN. As part of its…


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Government Asks George R.R. Martin To Rewrite Election So That Everyone Dies

The government wants a do-over, and one filled with lots of good deaths.

Just about everyone is tired, fed-up and done with this entire election cycle. It’s been called a joke, appalling, deplorable, embarrassing and a farce. Most people aren’t happy with the final choices of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and the…


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Final Presidential Debate Moved To High Desert State Prison

Is it possible to do time and have a second term at the same time? I bet they feel the same.

In a shocking move, the powers that be have decided to move the final Presidential Debate of 2016 to the High Desert State Prison grounds. Formerly to be held at University of Nevada-Las Vegas, this showdown between Donald Trump and Hillary…


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Media To Continue Releasing Maps Of Ridiculous Voter Scenarios

America isn't red white and blue, but the people sure were when we were killing all the Native Americans.

If you’ve been paying attention to the last few days worth of news, you’ll notice that many political outlets have been release hypothetical voting maps based on a varying array of demographics, using census data, poll information and probably lots…


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WikiLeaks Exposes Clinton’s Hottest Lie

At least these red, hot, chilli peppers won't start putting out garbage music after a few records.

Amidst all this election hullabaloo has been on scandal, leak, accusation and revelation after another. From murder conspiracies to sexual assault, this election has run the gamut on unsavory topics. Well, this one is savory. In fact, I’d dare say…