World News
First Contact From TRAPPIST-1 Aliens Beg Us To Stay Away
NASA announced yesterday that they have discovered a new solar system that has 7 planets, of which at least 3 are more than likely capable of sustaining some form...
Hedorah The Smog Monster Confirmed To Head EPA
The Senate confirmed Hedorah, The Smog Monster on Friday to run the Environmental Protection Agency, putting a seasoned opponent of nature, cleanliness and renewable resources at the helm of President...
DAPL Police To Celebrate Thanksgiving By Slaughtering Native Americans And Stealing Their Land
Get out your knives and forks, because it’s time to carve in! As tables are set around the United States for a peaceful, tranquil and dinner, Native Americans and...
France To Shut Down All Coal Power Plants By 2023 To Prove That Americans Are Bigger Assholes
France made a grand announcement at UN’s annual climate change meeting this year, showing everyone else up as they patted themselves on the back. Proving to the whole world...
A Week Before The Election, Nation Shares In Collective Shrug And Says “F*ck it!”
It’s not quite time to sigh, just yet. We’re but a mere week away from casting our votes into oblivion, as we allow the electoral college to make our...
Only Six Newspapers Endorsed Trump But His Supporters Didn’t Notice Because They Don’t Read
A shocking revelation has come about during this election cycle, as only six of the nation’s newspapers have endorsed Donald Trump, or at least are willing to admit it....
Your Preferred Candidate Is Leading In The Polls Of Your Favorite News Source
The figures have just come in and depending on your political leaning, your candidate seems to be winning. This information is a big change over the last election, where...
Americans Would Rather Vote For Negan
Well, no one saw that coming. After a very tense night of wondering who was next, American’s decided that they like Negan more than their current choices for president,...
DDOS Attack Temporarily Spares Millions From Political Arguments
Anonymouse strikes again, as millions of websites, services and networks were taken offline on 10/21/2016. A systematic interruption of many huge, populated websites and social networks took internet trolls...