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US Launches 59 Missiles Loaded With Pepsi At Syria

Pepsi: Die For Now!

While most people associate Mountain Dew to be the beverage of extremism, the USA has launched an attack on a Syrian air base using 59 Tomahawk missiles loaded to the brim with Pepsi. Now known as the soda of peace…

  • Rene Rosa
  • April 6, 2017
  • Civil Rights, Scandals, World News

A Bunch Of Dicks Vote To Make Life Harder For Vaginas

The heroic volunteers of Planned Parenthood

While the gaggle of overall dicks that makes up the Senate were split 50/50 on a bill set to make the existence of Planned Parenthood a thing of the past, the leader of all dicks, Mike Pence, was the tie-breaker,…

  • Rene Rosa
  • March 31, 2017
  • Civil Rights, Scandals, Science, World News

Paul Ryan Vows To Destroy The Healthcare System

Paul Ryan hopes to feast on our carcasses.

So… sometimes you sit down to write something and then you just give up and decide not to write anything at all because… well, this happened:

  • Rene Rosa
  • March 24, 2017
  • Civil Rights, Scandals, Science, World News

Donald Trump To Lower Taxes By Letting Everyone Die

President Trump waves off the sick and poor, waiting for them to simply die off.

In an surprising move towards some legitimate transparency, The White House has released some information about the next changes to healthcare and regulations in the country which are designed to lower the tax burden on American citizens. Unfortunately, the way…

  • Rene Rosa
  • March 13, 2017
  • Civil Rights, Election, Scandals

5 Things We’re Surprised We Didn’t Find In Mike Pence’s E-Mails

Fear this man, for he will be the ruination of your soul.

As you may have heard, Mike Pence was using a private e-mail address for work and was phished out of his information in some ridiculous scheme reminiscent of the Nigerian Prince spam you and I always ignore. We ignore it…

  • Rene Rosa
  • March 5, 2017
  • Civil Rights, Election, World News

Complete Moron Impresses Millions By Reading Out Loud For An Hour

King Moron stands in front of bufooons and wows them.

We are nothing, if not a nation of easily impressed people, but a new low was set as the standard last night, during President Donald Trump’s address to the Senate. Applauses were held long and hard as none of the…

  • Rene Rosa
  • March 1, 2017
  • 11 Comments
  • Scandals, World News

Donald Trump Won’t Go To The White House Correspondents’ Dinner Because He’s A Punk-Ass Bitch

No hope in this great, white dope.

One might remember that now-President Donald Trump was once verbally sterilized by Seth Meyers and President Barack Obama back in 2011 at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner. The thin-skinned, lily-livered, can-dish-it-but-can’t-take-it President is very yellow about his mustard. Famously known…

  • Rene Rosa
  • February 25, 2017
  • Science, World News

First Contact From TRAPPIST-1 Aliens Beg Us To Stay Away

The first new life in space is smarter than we are.

NASA announced yesterday that they have discovered a new solar system that has 7 planets, of which at least 3 are more than likely capable of sustaining some form of life. As scientists, fans of science and skeptics all weighed…

  • Rene Rosa
  • February 23, 2017
  • Election, Scandals, Science, World News

Hedorah The Smog Monster Confirmed To Head EPA

Hedorah The Smog Monster

The Senate confirmed Hedorah, The Smog Monster on Friday to run the Environmental Protection Agency, putting a seasoned opponent of nature, cleanliness and renewable resources at the helm of President Trump’s efforts to dismantle major regulations on climate change, decency, clean…

  • Rene Rosa
  • February 17, 2017
  • Election

Donald Trump Prepares To Celebrate Presidents Day, Not Knowing It Isn’t For Him

Who knew that Lincoln and Washington were so adorable?

While President Donald J. Trump tries to avoid the possibility of he and his cabinet being executed for treason, he’s keeping his mind off of such dour things by getting ready to celebrate Presidents Day! Unfortunately for him, he thinks…

  • Rene Rosa
  • February 14, 2017
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