Category Election


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Republican Party Feared Dead At 162 Years Old

It puts the Trunk in Hoof and Trunk. Wait, you just got that now? Finally? Jesus.

At the ripe, old age of 162 years, it is feared that the Republican Party has passed away in it’s sleep. After a post-depression identity crisis, the Republican Party looked to be having a momentary lapse of judgment, but it…


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Government Asks George R.R. Martin To Rewrite Election So That Everyone Dies

The government wants a do-over, and one filled with lots of good deaths.

Just about everyone is tired, fed-up and done with this entire election cycle. It’s been called a joke, appalling, deplorable, embarrassing and a farce. Most people aren’t happy with the final choices of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and the…


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Final Presidential Debate Moved To High Desert State Prison

Is it possible to do time and have a second term at the same time? I bet they feel the same.

In a shocking move, the powers that be have decided to move the final Presidential Debate of 2016 to the High Desert State Prison grounds. Formerly to be held at University of Nevada-Las Vegas, this showdown between Donald Trump and Hillary…


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Media To Continue Releasing Maps Of Ridiculous Voter Scenarios

America isn't red white and blue, but the people sure were when we were killing all the Native Americans.

If you’ve been paying attention to the last few days worth of news, you’ll notice that many political outlets have been release hypothetical voting maps based on a varying array of demographics, using census data, poll information and probably lots…


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WikiLeaks Exposes Clinton’s Hottest Lie

At least these red, hot, chilli peppers won't start putting out garbage music after a few records.

Amidst all this election hullabaloo has been on scandal, leak, accusation and revelation after another. From murder conspiracies to sexual assault, this election has run the gamut on unsavory topics. Well, this one is savory. In fact, I’d dare say…


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This Article Is Not About Donald Trump

So, some other things are happening that you're paying attention to while the house is burning.

Ah, yes, the circus that is the Presidential Election of 2016. I’ve got some good news for you: we’re not really going to talk much about that today. Today we’re going to talk about much happier things, like how China…


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Rats Fleeing Sinking Ship Offended By Comparison To GOP

Sink or swim? These rats are fleeing, fully clothed and on a boat, with dignity.

It really does take a lot to offend the sensibilities of a rat, but it has happened, and this time you can blame the media. Yes, the conspiracy theorists cries of “blame the media” are actually valid, as from one…


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Saturday Funnies! – Grabbing Hands Grab All They Can

Well, we didn’t see that coming! Donald Trump a misogynist? Playing up the idea of unwanted sexual advances being hushed out by money and fame? These are things we’ve never imagined, never dreamed of and have never seen or heard…