Category Election


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God Declares Self As Swing Voter: “I Have Not Chosen Either Of Them, No Matter What They Say!”

On the campaign trail, before any voting is done, many presidential candidates will, at some point, claim that they are God’s choice as the next President of the United States. From George W. Bush to Rick Perry and many others…


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Mike Pence So Unloved And Unimportant That Royalty Free Photos Of Him Do Not Exist

Oh my goodness, look how cute those kittens are! Screw you, Mike Pence!

Sometimes you start your way towards one story and stumble upon something else. This is the earmark of good, old fashioned American journalism. The best and most hard nosed news boys and girls of the past have unearthed scandals, liberated…


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Armed Voters To Be Allowed At All Polling Locations This Fall

Bring your sexy ass there to vote.

In a stunning decision, the US Government has decided to allowed armed voters at all polling locations in the forthcoming general election. This surprising announcement has made a shock wave through all manners of political discussion and is causing quite…


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Hillary Clinton Releases Tax Returns, Reveals Ties To Potential Hate Groups and Terrorist Organizations

Hillary Clinton

To the surprise of many, mostly those who haven’t paying attention the last 39 years, Hillary Clinton has released her tax returns with some surprising information intact. While one would think that certain bits of information would remain concealed or…


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Unknown, Former CIA Operative Gaining In GOP Backing Against Trump

Top Secret!

A completely unknown, unnamed Republican, only known as a former CIA operative is currently gaining followers in the GOP as they are backing away from Donald Trump. “We have no idea who he is, what he has done, if he…


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Former Reagan Director: “I’m Voting For Clinton!”

Former President Bill Clinton

Former political director, Frank Lavin, may not know exactly who is running for president right now, but he knows that he is not voting for Donald Trump. For the first time in 40 years he will be voting for a…


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Trump To Stop Watching Olympics Due To Injuries: “They were too exciting!”

Donald Trump With Marine Corps Foundation Commandants

Presidential Republican nominee, Donald Trump, has reportedly had to cease watching the rest of the Olympic games. Due to the graphic nature of the recent injuries at the games, he is entirely too excited to continue viewing them. As French…